Alone does not mean Lonely

I spent almost last weekend alone. But it does not mean I was lonely. Let me speak out.

After work on Friday I went to the cinema and watched Despicable Me 2. It was premier day. Unfortunately, no one could join me and I was sad by the thought that I would be sitting there alone and laugh for myself. It turned out to be much better than expected. As soon as the movie started, I was so immersed that I forgot I went there alone. The whole room was laughing and I was not afraid to L-O-L either. No, I did not like the movie, I freaking loved it!

Well, I lied. I was not totally alone at the cinema. I had a date with Dave.

 On Saturday I spent some hours at the gym, alone. Then I went to have BBQ with my friends shortly. It was really nice, but I felt left out every now and then for some reason. I came home and got hard headache from being in the sun in many hours. And my body was dehydrated. I felt dizzy, so I went early in bed.

On the last day of the weekend the weather was amazing. Not too hot or too cold. I spent some ours in a park, reading, walking around, enjoying the weather under a tree. The best thing was that I switched off my phone, then I found peace and I could focus on the moment and the environment around me. After that I went to a restaurant to have dinner alone. I think the waitress was feeling pity for me, because I was alone, so she was super nice and gave me really good service.

Delicious salad with strawberries and roasted nuts!

Absolutely better than sex. Warm brownies, vanilla ice-cream with hot caramel and chocolate sauce and nuts.

I am that kind of person who needs company in mostly whatever I do(except from reading and studying). I admit that I get easily lonely and depressed, when I have not been social for a while. So, the thought of spending more or less a whole weekend alone scared me. But it turns out to be better than I expected and I really enjoyed it. Now I have learned to do things on my own, without getting depressed. It is not too difficult than it is. All you have to do is accept that no one can(or want) to hang with you(AND FUCK THEM!). Find a place where you feel comfortable, whether it is in a noisy place(but I highly recommend outside). Try something new. Find a hobby. And appreciate the time you have for yourself, because we are all busy and sometimes we do not have enough time for ourselves to sit down and appreciate. Breath. Think of nice people in your life, your lover, crush, happy moments, your pets.. You get my point, right?

And when I tell people how wonderful weekend I have had, they ask if I had a date-weekend. When I tell them that I was alone, they feel pity for me. Please, do not make me feel pity for myself too. Because I am enjoying this right now and I could not wish it any other way. It is good with company, but it also depends on what kind of company you get. If I am with people who do not really want to be with me, I rather spend time alone.

And yes, once again, Anna Akana has been an inspiration for me this time too. Thank you, Anna, for making me facing something I was scared of. I know I wan over the fear and it feels great! You were so right, solo dinner was totally awesome!

Have a great week, guys and girls!

-Patch

Come and find me

Being a student in Norway sounds easy. We get some couple of days off from school, which we should prioritize to do self-study and read, but most of us do not do that until right before the real exam day. Some are lucky, they usually get good grades by reading the whole syllabus the day before the exam. But some have to take a little by little, and we need time to learn, like me, for instance.

Now that I have summer holiday, I have a change to really work and earn some money, so that I can put into a list of saving accounts I have. But even if I work full-time in the summer, I always find myself have more time to do things I want to do. Unlike during the semester, where I am constantly focused on school, even if I have more free days.

So, since that I am in a totally different mood now, whenever I have a day off work, I always try to find something to do with my friends. I try to contact them. I try to find something fun we could do together. I try to make an appointment, so we could just catch up a little. But it turns out to be that they were more busy than I expected. I admit that I do not have too many friends, so when it comes to the days where everyone of them are up with something. Somehow, I start to feel like I am unwanted. I feel like they do not want to hang with me, because I have been all over them every time I get a day off. Perhaps I have been too much, I do not know. Perhaps I annoy them, that should not be impossible either.

Whatever it is. I decided to stop blaming myself, instead I will compliment myself.

I am a great person. I have nice personalities. I am good company. And I am funny. If you do not want to join or hang out with me? Fine. Your choice. Your lost. And thank you for making me feel so special that one time when you seriously need good company and someone to hear about your worries, and I was there for you. Yes, because that is what friends are for, but apparently I do not mean that much to you. Thank you for making me realize how much our friendship is worth now.

So, I am just going to be here doing my stuff. You can come and find me, whenever you realize my importance. I am so fucking tired of pushing myself to have a place in people's life. Taking initiatives. Keep in touch. So, if I mean something for you, you better make a space for me, because I am done trying!

-Patch

The World of Opportunities

I have been gone so long that I have no idea where and what to start with.. Let's skip over all the excuses of why I have been absent and get to the point.

I am a young girl. Growing up in the World of Opportunities. I have always had options for mostly everything, even if my family was poor back in the days. I have always taken my time to choose what to eat when I go to the restaurant, but luckily I have got better by the years, because I now have a limit of what I can choose out of the menu, since I am pescetarian.

Talking about decision-making. I am very terrible at this. I often has to call my mom or friends for their opinions, or even ask them: "what would you do, if you were me/in this kind of situation?". I also fall easily for others opinion and advice when I do not know the right one myself. Which is a bad habbit, because I am not letting me knowing myself good enough.

I am 23 years old. I have no idea what I want to be in the future. I have no clue what to do next year after the graduation. I do know for sure that I will not study for a higher degree right away. I often ask myself questions that I cannot answer and then the questions start to become worries. I do worry a lot about my future, of how it would be and how it would end up.

Elders they always told me: "Don't worry. You are born into the World of Opportunities. You have many roads to go".

Why do they make it sound so easy? In the reality, it is not easy at all. Especially if you still are that type of person who does not quite know what you want to be and want to do in the future. I know I am still so young, but I do not to waste years doing a job which I do not love and that there is someone out there who is dreaming of getting, then I would not only steal a job for that person, but I am also stealing the dream of him/her.

If I only knew what my dream really is, what I really want and where I want to be, it would be so much easier for me to make a plan, or take one of the many opportunities I have in my life. But right now, I am holding so many strings and I do not know which one to pull and which one to release. I just hold on to every single of them and I do nothing about it.

So, tell me, how many opportunities do you have for your future? What do you want to do? Where do you want to be? Who do you want to be? Whose dreams are you chasing?

Simple questions, but it will take you half an hour(at least) to figure out, unless you have already gone through this a couple of times.

If you have any tips or advice, I would gladly know!

Have a super weekend!

-Patch