Come and find me

Being a student in Norway sounds easy. We get some couple of days off from school, which we should prioritize to do self-study and read, but most of us do not do that until right before the real exam day. Some are lucky, they usually get good grades by reading the whole syllabus the day before the exam. But some have to take a little by little, and we need time to learn, like me, for instance.

Now that I have summer holiday, I have a change to really work and earn some money, so that I can put into a list of saving accounts I have. But even if I work full-time in the summer, I always find myself have more time to do things I want to do. Unlike during the semester, where I am constantly focused on school, even if I have more free days.

So, since that I am in a totally different mood now, whenever I have a day off work, I always try to find something to do with my friends. I try to contact them. I try to find something fun we could do together. I try to make an appointment, so we could just catch up a little. But it turns out to be that they were more busy than I expected. I admit that I do not have too many friends, so when it comes to the days where everyone of them are up with something. Somehow, I start to feel like I am unwanted. I feel like they do not want to hang with me, because I have been all over them every time I get a day off. Perhaps I have been too much, I do not know. Perhaps I annoy them, that should not be impossible either.

Whatever it is. I decided to stop blaming myself, instead I will compliment myself.

I am a great person. I have nice personalities. I am good company. And I am funny. If you do not want to join or hang out with me? Fine. Your choice. Your lost. And thank you for making me feel so special that one time when you seriously need good company and someone to hear about your worries, and I was there for you. Yes, because that is what friends are for, but apparently I do not mean that much to you. Thank you for making me realize how much our friendship is worth now.

So, I am just going to be here doing my stuff. You can come and find me, whenever you realize my importance. I am so fucking tired of pushing myself to have a place in people's life. Taking initiatives. Keep in touch. So, if I mean something for you, you better make a space for me, because I am done trying!

-Patch