Hard run

Since the 5th semester has started, I already knew that things will be different. I was sure I would do things differently. I was sure I would change my attitude and daily routines.

When I have decided to do something. I do not wait till the New Year, I start right there.

It has brought me a hard run. My everyday has been up and down. Stressed me out, both physically and mentally. I have been having so much in my hands, still, with the right focus and a little believe in me that I can do it, I knew I will manage all. So far, so good.

I have my good days and bad days. And at least I would have that one day of the week, where I just go home and want to sit in a corner, turn off the light and cry. However, I have not yet cried, because of exhaustion. Instead, it builds the anger in me. Luckily, I have been able to control it so far. It usually pass by after a good night sleep.

It also takes a lot of my time. I remember I had time to go to the training studio at least three times a week. Now, I only train in front of the computer for just an hour every other day, at least that is what I try to keep up with. By getting less time to do other things than school, I changed my daily routine. Usually, those day when I do not have class early, or not at all. I would like to sleep long. I do not do that anymore. I get up around 6:45 - 7am everyday, even in weekends. Firstly, it is the biological clock in me. Secondly, when I worry about something, as soon as I wake up, I start to think about the possible solutions. Thirdly, duties are calling. I have not complained once, because I knew the consequences from the start of.

I push myself hard. Motivation varies from a day to another, still I keep pushing myself through it. To balance it all, I let myself have chocolate, cakes and other sweets whenever I desire. And of course, I try to eat healthy food and I try to bring lunch from home. I safe money and I get to eat what I want too. Win - win! Then I challenge myself to talk more in the class. Just today, I got the courage to do that. It took me more than a month. However, I do see that it is a progress and it takes time to get to my goals, just that I do not give up.

It is hard. It affects my body, my emotions and my mental. Being surrounded by duties, expectations from myself and others, limited of time and other problems in my life, I admit it is hard to put down the computer, phone and pen, just to give yourself a short break. I often force myself to do things, even if I do not feel for it. But that is just for the good. Whenever I take a day off, I want to feel like I do deserve it. In the mean time, I just treat myself with sweets, a little thing -but surely a big happiness for me. 

I hope that this post would motivate you, or someone out there to work for what they want. Achieving goals. Getting successful in life. Gaining confident.

Changing for the better, that is what I do.

Have a nice week, every one!

-Patch