4th Father's Day

It has been over 4 years.

It is the 4th Father's Day.
Without him.

I looked at the Facebook news feed.
And this feeling was growing in me.
I was jealous of all of the people, who still have their father.

I have a father too. Who left me, mom and my brother.
I was two.
He only called when he needed money.
He remembered my birthday, twice.
That was after I turned 20 and did not need him anymore.
Last time I was on the phone with him, he was asking about borrowing me money.
I am mad at him for never being there when I needed him.
And now, when he's in need(for money), he tries his best to be a father.
How can I forgive this man?

I was 9 when my mom re-married.
This guy became my dad and my best friend.
In 7 years, I had to wait to feel complete.
Like other families.

10 years. That was the time I got to spend with him.
That went too fast.
Even 4 years without him feels even longer.

Tell me how I will manage another year with this.
Without my dad.

I miss you...

-Your daughter

A regular day of a student...

I swear September and Octorber passed by like it was just 2 minutes. I can barely remember what had happened in the two passing months. What I remember the most was waking up early, getting ready, go to school, either to attend a class or to sit down and work on one of the group assignments. I come home in the evening, getting ready for bed and sleep, and the next day the same thing. September and October really had been intense, even four four exams are over I still have four exams waiting ahead. So, this is not going to stop, yet.

Now that the subjects start to finish one by one, I will have more time. More time to read and study for the other exams, what else? I find this semester has been so intense that I get so exhausted at least one day in a week. And all I want to do is just come home and go to sleep. It happens that I go to sleep at  6 og 7 pm some days in the week. Even when I go to bed this early, I still could not feel rested. If you say that study life is easy, you are wrong.

Thanks to my attitude, I started climbing -with scared of heights that I got rid off after I climbed all the 8 meters up the wall. And I try my best to go climbing at least once a week. Lately, I have not been there even once, which also mean that my health sucks at the moment. In addition I neither get time to train other than climbing. I may do pilates 30/40 minutes once a week, but that is it. My body is really crying for exercise, but I cannot buy time to give what my body wishes. I also eat unhealthy food, like buns, pizza, fries, chocolate milk... Do you tend to eat unhealthy, when you are under stress? And do you sometimes feel too tired to do any exercise when you are under stress too?

Last night I slept as long as the other days, but hell if I did sleep tighter than I could remember the last time I did that! Just because, I do not have all the worries about group assignments in my backpack anymore. Chao!

Anyhow, I know I will not let this happen too long. I know I can get back to train regularly, eat more healthy(with small treats every day), sleep tighter, drink more water and be happier, now that I am more free. Therefore I just post a little update and go back to reading.

Have a great weekend, everyone!
-Patch