14th February, you all know what day I am talking about here. No! DO NOT say what day it is. I cannot stand hearing(in this case "reading" would make more sense) it! For me, it was just another Thursday, one freaking Thursday.
Believe it or not, I seriously woke up with some sort of depression today morning. And I thought logging into Facebook could help. No, it made it all worse. 14th February is such a big deal in Thailand, even though we did not come up with the idea of "the-all-over-the-world-is-pink-day". On the news feed there were tons of "HVD"(FYI: HVD stands for Happy Valentine's Day. I just do not want to use the full version. I am temporary very sensitive). You cannot shut out the world, unless you refuse yourself to be a part of it. My decision was that I deactivated my Facebook account, just because of all the news feed that made me sick!
Then they called me from work and wanted me to work. I was not feeling well, mentally and emotionally, but I accepted to work, because I know I cannot lock myself inside of four walls while I was about to feel sorry for myself.. I got to work around 1:30 PM. I realized I did not eat anything yet, so I to force some food in me. There is something about me, when I am stressed, mad or worried, food is not on my mind at all. Otherwise I would literally have cravings all day long and I eat a lot more than what others think a little person like me could do.
When I started working, a good colleague came by and talked to me. I did not stand still and talk, I was working at the same time as the conversation was going. Then another colleague, who worked at the same station as me just broke into the conversation and shouted at me that I have to work and not chat with people, then he made my colleague go back to his work. I thought: "For God's sake, I am so not ready for this!", besides of all that, there was not a lot to do at all. A while after that, that guy complained again, but this time he kind of made fun of me in front of another colleague. Like, he told to the other guy about me not working at all, while I was running back and forth, when he was standing and "talking behind me back". I was about to freak out on him, but I tried something nice first by saying in an angry voice: "Dude, could you just let it go?! God damn it! AAAARRRRGH!!!!!" It felt gooood! He stopped. Good choice, though. Otherwise I could have broke something on purpose, and yelled at him! I almost lost control, because I was already in bad mood and I was not seeing it coming that he would be such a douche to me.
An hour later, he tried to talk friendly to me again, but he did not know that I am long-angry person. He is 40 -50 years old. I always have high respect for the elders. This time, this person did not deserve any respect from me. I was unfriendly to him.
Sometimes, I think people take me for granted, because I usually smile and joke around all the time. They probably think that I cannot be serious for a second and maybe they would go too far, by doing stupid things which will piss me off. Before I used to keep it all to myself, I could be really mad at someone(specially at someone older than me), but everything stays with me. I found out that it will not help anyone and I make it worse for myself, by bearing something heavy in my heart instead of just simply letting it go. No, but that is the old me. If I let people believe that I never get mad, they will just continue be pain in the ass! I am not rude, but if you are rude to me or piss me off first, I will just make sure that you regret everything you did.
People who know me well, they know that I am a moody person. If I am nice, I am extremely nice(depending on how much I care about you, though). If I am mad, no matter who you are, you better step back and give me some time and space, otherwise... who knows what could happen. No one, who is close to me, never really crossed that line -they know where to stop(or I would tell them to).
Felt like I had PMS today. I was unhappy basically the whole day, and food did not help, then I time the PMS with 5! And that is how I spent 14th February.
What did you do on this "special" day? I hope you had a much better day than me!
-Patch
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