You are welcome

There is something I do not understand about people. I have hard time to trust people, even if we are close, I cannot trust that person for hundred percent. I also have hard time letting people getting too close to me, because I am afraid of either hurt myself or hurt them.

Well, when I know someone very well, I would let them into my life. It is the first step. The second step is, I would care about them and I do expect them to care about me too. The third step: I take it seriously. If they need help, I will be there for them. I expect the same from them. Then, if I go to the forth level, I give you my trust and you better do not make me regret it.

All of these steps; is it very much to ask for?

If you do think that I am worth getting to know, make sure that you want me as a friend later too. I do not like people who just come and go. If you are just going to come and go, please, turn around and walk back to where you come from. I am not a place for you to dump your shit on and  leave!

I am not sure if it is my or people's fault, that makes me mad and disappointed. Whenever I let people into my life, at some point they just fuck up. Every time it happens, I feel like i let myself down, because it seems like I never learn from my mistakes. And because of those bastards who do fuck it all up, they make me be even more hard on myself and to other people. Each time it happens, it gets harder for the next person who wants to get to know me. I blame myself for never learned that I should not let people into my life and give them my trust that easily. I never blame people who messed it up. But do you know what? I will stop blaming myself, I have not done anything wrong. Instead of holding onto those who let me down, I will not just let them go, but I will make sure that they will leave with something to look back and regret at.

A very close friend of mine let me down. We had an appointment yesterday, but he did not feel well, so the appointment had to be canceled. Well, I did not get mad for that. Today I sent him a message asking how he was feeling, because I cared(yes, I truly cared too much). After five hours, my friend finally replied that he was feeling fine and he hang out with two girls, so he did not get bored. Excuse me, did I even ask you what you were doing, who you were with and if you were bored?! I asked him one simple question, if he was too busy to reply: "I feel fine", more or less right away, just to show that he appreciated that one person cared about him(for once). All the time he used to reply that simple question and how he did it just pissed me off! At least he made me open my eyes that I truly fucking cared too much. If he cannot see what I am doing, why should I even give a damn about him? (That was nicely said!)

You may think there is nothing to be mad about and it would be much easier to let it go. Let it go for what? Let it go, so those heartless people can misuse other people over and over? Let it go, so those people never learn how to appreciate other people who do mean good for them? I do not think so!

What happened today is another story and an example of another mistake for letting someone get too close to me and the stupidest thing of all: giving him my trust. Despite that I am deeply disappointed and hurt, I have learned that there are more under a pretty face and nice words. I am sorry, that I gave him my trust and you messed it up. I am also sorry, that he probably will not find a friend like me. If this friendship means something to him, he should better soon realize what he is about to lose. No, wait a minute. Let me correct that. I know him. He will not understand or realize. So, this friendship has already broken down.

Of course I will be nice with him. I will smile and joke with him as usual. Just like him, with that pretty face and nice words, but there is no way that he will have that place in my life again. I have had enough trying, without any appreciation. I wish him lots of good luck. Good luck finding a friend like me.
 Funny fact: I usually trust guys more than girls, but some guys are bitches too.

I am not going to mention the name, but if you read this and the shoes fit, you are welcome to tight up those laces and wear them!

-Patch