Last week really got hard on me. I had so much on my schedule, day to evening, some days till late at night.. But really, who can I blame if it can not be myself?
Thursday: This semester I have specializing in Event Management. We, the event class, are planning and creating an actual event that will take place in June. So, we had a promotion party for those who are interested to attend the event. I went there, against my will, because I thought it was a part of what we are doing in school. I see it more of an important "product" or "event", than drinking and have fun. I also thought, I would perhaps give a shot to be a part of the class. Which turned out to be bullshit. To be honest, I felt like I was in the wrong place. Yes, I do regret going there(even before I went there). Partying in western style is not my thing. I tried to give this part of the culture many chances, but I always end up with disappointment. I always feel uncomfortable and awkward.. Maybe it is that I do not like how different people act, when they drink? Or I could easily blame myself, again, for being different, because I do not drink. Seriously, enough trying.
If being social and getting friends is a huge part of going on parties in this culture that I live in, I am letting it go. I have never felt comfortable doing it and I know now that I never will adapt myself to this part of the culture. I am not being arrogant. I just give up trying something that is out of my comfort-zone, that becomes pointless and wasting of time
Friday: I slept pretty bad. Despite of that, I had to go to work. There is one thing that I always look forward to when I go to work and that is to see my colleagues. It was quite much to do, but it was alright, because being busy makes the time go faster. Then the rest of the day became blurry to me. All I know is that I did shower, as usually, after I came home...
Saturday: A colleague of mine was having the moving-in-party and she really wanted me to go. I was convinced that I would not go, after what I experienced on Thursday. Another colleague, convinced me and he offered himself not to drink, just to company me. That felt like a burden for me, but in a way I did not ask him for that. Later that night, we went to see a concert, which finished when we got there. But they kept playing nice club music, so we stayed there and danced for couple of hours. I can not believe that I am saying this, but I really enjoy the night! This kind of party was different, or it could be that I was hanging out with people I know and respect me for who I am. I had so much fun dancing and learning to dance too. It was crowded on the dance floor, which is pretty rare for what I have seen in this country... People who danced were so talented and I felt like my dancing moves were just too weak compared to theirs. I got a lot of inspirations! Despite to that thought, I did not give a damn. I danced like nobody was watching. Two guys tried to hit on me that evening. The one was too awkward. The other one was too creepy.
I really enjoyed that night and the best thing of all is that I remember everything. Don't you think that would be nice too, to look back and remember people you met, what they said, what you did and where you were or how you ended up at some strange place? Or is it only, who looks like I am 19 years old, but is actually turning 23 soon, and think like I am 40?
Sunday: I came home 3:30 am, went to sleep at 4 am, because it is important to remove makeup and clean your face before you go to sleep! I woke up around 9 am. A part of me was telling to go back to sleep. Another part of me was telling me that I had enough fun for now and I should get my ass to the library and study! Guess, which part won? I spent 5 hours at the library studying. It was really worth it, because I read through 6 chapters and I did take some notes too. I am more or less on the right track now, finally.
Monday: Woke up around 7:30 am. Had three hours school. Went to the Bare Bones Tour concert of the legend, Bryan Adams. Definitely a concert that you have to experience before you die! The Bare Bones Tour brings you the pureness of many years of his work. The concert was acoustic; with Bryan Adams singing live, who rocks on guitar and Gary, the amazing pianist. It was pure, amazing, incredible, personal, touching.. You can not put a word to describe this concert. The best word I could come up with was "Perfexcellent", if that makes sense to you. I was home around 11 pm.
Today: Honestly, I was thinking of skipping school today, since that it started at 8:30 and I had lack of sleep in the past few days. I guess my mentality is so strong, because I got up 20 minutes after the alarm and still I was able to put some makeup on and even catch the train, and the best thing: I manage to be at school before the lesson started. I feel like I kind of nailed everything right now, thinking of how little sleep I have had lately. I had triple espresso today, which kept me awake through 6 hours of school. I get über hyper when I drink coffee, but in the class I can not do anything else but sit there and pay attention. When school was over, the effect of the espresso also running off. My hands started to shiver, my heart was uncomfortably beating hard, I fell asleep on the train back home.. When I got home I ate the leftovers and just passed out. I found myself laying on my bed with old school music in my ears(because my neighbor was hammering like there is no tomorrow) and the sickest thing of all: a corner of the pillow was wet(=slaver). Now I sit and wonder if I can fall asleep tonight.
The sum up this blog entry:
1) I miss how easy it was to make friends, before, when I was just a kid.
2) I have a dilemma. I want to take a coffin break, which means no coffee. Then I have to get enough sleep, which seems to be a challenge sometimes.. If you know a way to keep yourself awake, without coffee and energy drinks, please let me know!
3) I am happy that I do not have this much going on every week. And happily, it seems like this week is going to be less stressing!
4) I give up on joining on parties, especially to the parties where people do not have any understanding or respect for me.
5) I will not push myself out of the comfort-zone, to waste my time and end up with nothing but disappointment.
6) I will not fight for a spot in people's lives. If they want me in their lives, they better make a place for me.
7) I choose to be surrounded by those people who love me and stop caring about those who let me down(or misusing me -just because I seem to be dumb and kind in their eyes).
Wishing you a wonderful week!
-Patch
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