A regular day of a student...

I swear September and Octorber passed by like it was just 2 minutes. I can barely remember what had happened in the two passing months. What I remember the most was waking up early, getting ready, go to school, either to attend a class or to sit down and work on one of the group assignments. I come home in the evening, getting ready for bed and sleep, and the next day the same thing. September and October really had been intense, even four four exams are over I still have four exams waiting ahead. So, this is not going to stop, yet.

Now that the subjects start to finish one by one, I will have more time. More time to read and study for the other exams, what else? I find this semester has been so intense that I get so exhausted at least one day in a week. And all I want to do is just come home and go to sleep. It happens that I go to sleep at  6 og 7 pm some days in the week. Even when I go to bed this early, I still could not feel rested. If you say that study life is easy, you are wrong.

Thanks to my attitude, I started climbing -with scared of heights that I got rid off after I climbed all the 8 meters up the wall. And I try my best to go climbing at least once a week. Lately, I have not been there even once, which also mean that my health sucks at the moment. In addition I neither get time to train other than climbing. I may do pilates 30/40 minutes once a week, but that is it. My body is really crying for exercise, but I cannot buy time to give what my body wishes. I also eat unhealthy food, like buns, pizza, fries, chocolate milk... Do you tend to eat unhealthy, when you are under stress? And do you sometimes feel too tired to do any exercise when you are under stress too?

Last night I slept as long as the other days, but hell if I did sleep tighter than I could remember the last time I did that! Just because, I do not have all the worries about group assignments in my backpack anymore. Chao!

Anyhow, I know I will not let this happen too long. I know I can get back to train regularly, eat more healthy(with small treats every day), sleep tighter, drink more water and be happier, now that I am more free. Therefore I just post a little update and go back to reading.

Have a great weekend, everyone!
-Patch

Hard run

Since the 5th semester has started, I already knew that things will be different. I was sure I would do things differently. I was sure I would change my attitude and daily routines.

When I have decided to do something. I do not wait till the New Year, I start right there.

It has brought me a hard run. My everyday has been up and down. Stressed me out, both physically and mentally. I have been having so much in my hands, still, with the right focus and a little believe in me that I can do it, I knew I will manage all. So far, so good.

I have my good days and bad days. And at least I would have that one day of the week, where I just go home and want to sit in a corner, turn off the light and cry. However, I have not yet cried, because of exhaustion. Instead, it builds the anger in me. Luckily, I have been able to control it so far. It usually pass by after a good night sleep.

It also takes a lot of my time. I remember I had time to go to the training studio at least three times a week. Now, I only train in front of the computer for just an hour every other day, at least that is what I try to keep up with. By getting less time to do other things than school, I changed my daily routine. Usually, those day when I do not have class early, or not at all. I would like to sleep long. I do not do that anymore. I get up around 6:45 - 7am everyday, even in weekends. Firstly, it is the biological clock in me. Secondly, when I worry about something, as soon as I wake up, I start to think about the possible solutions. Thirdly, duties are calling. I have not complained once, because I knew the consequences from the start of.

I push myself hard. Motivation varies from a day to another, still I keep pushing myself through it. To balance it all, I let myself have chocolate, cakes and other sweets whenever I desire. And of course, I try to eat healthy food and I try to bring lunch from home. I safe money and I get to eat what I want too. Win - win! Then I challenge myself to talk more in the class. Just today, I got the courage to do that. It took me more than a month. However, I do see that it is a progress and it takes time to get to my goals, just that I do not give up.

It is hard. It affects my body, my emotions and my mental. Being surrounded by duties, expectations from myself and others, limited of time and other problems in my life, I admit it is hard to put down the computer, phone and pen, just to give yourself a short break. I often force myself to do things, even if I do not feel for it. But that is just for the good. Whenever I take a day off, I want to feel like I do deserve it. In the mean time, I just treat myself with sweets, a little thing -but surely a big happiness for me. 

I hope that this post would motivate you, or someone out there to work for what they want. Achieving goals. Getting successful in life. Gaining confident.

Changing for the better, that is what I do.

Have a nice week, every one!

-Patch

Alone does not mean Lonely

I spent almost last weekend alone. But it does not mean I was lonely. Let me speak out.

After work on Friday I went to the cinema and watched Despicable Me 2. It was premier day. Unfortunately, no one could join me and I was sad by the thought that I would be sitting there alone and laugh for myself. It turned out to be much better than expected. As soon as the movie started, I was so immersed that I forgot I went there alone. The whole room was laughing and I was not afraid to L-O-L either. No, I did not like the movie, I freaking loved it!

Well, I lied. I was not totally alone at the cinema. I had a date with Dave.

 On Saturday I spent some hours at the gym, alone. Then I went to have BBQ with my friends shortly. It was really nice, but I felt left out every now and then for some reason. I came home and got hard headache from being in the sun in many hours. And my body was dehydrated. I felt dizzy, so I went early in bed.

On the last day of the weekend the weather was amazing. Not too hot or too cold. I spent some ours in a park, reading, walking around, enjoying the weather under a tree. The best thing was that I switched off my phone, then I found peace and I could focus on the moment and the environment around me. After that I went to a restaurant to have dinner alone. I think the waitress was feeling pity for me, because I was alone, so she was super nice and gave me really good service.

Delicious salad with strawberries and roasted nuts!

Absolutely better than sex. Warm brownies, vanilla ice-cream with hot caramel and chocolate sauce and nuts.

I am that kind of person who needs company in mostly whatever I do(except from reading and studying). I admit that I get easily lonely and depressed, when I have not been social for a while. So, the thought of spending more or less a whole weekend alone scared me. But it turns out to be better than I expected and I really enjoyed it. Now I have learned to do things on my own, without getting depressed. It is not too difficult than it is. All you have to do is accept that no one can(or want) to hang with you(AND FUCK THEM!). Find a place where you feel comfortable, whether it is in a noisy place(but I highly recommend outside). Try something new. Find a hobby. And appreciate the time you have for yourself, because we are all busy and sometimes we do not have enough time for ourselves to sit down and appreciate. Breath. Think of nice people in your life, your lover, crush, happy moments, your pets.. You get my point, right?

And when I tell people how wonderful weekend I have had, they ask if I had a date-weekend. When I tell them that I was alone, they feel pity for me. Please, do not make me feel pity for myself too. Because I am enjoying this right now and I could not wish it any other way. It is good with company, but it also depends on what kind of company you get. If I am with people who do not really want to be with me, I rather spend time alone.

And yes, once again, Anna Akana has been an inspiration for me this time too. Thank you, Anna, for making me facing something I was scared of. I know I wan over the fear and it feels great! You were so right, solo dinner was totally awesome!

Have a great week, guys and girls!

-Patch

Come and find me

Being a student in Norway sounds easy. We get some couple of days off from school, which we should prioritize to do self-study and read, but most of us do not do that until right before the real exam day. Some are lucky, they usually get good grades by reading the whole syllabus the day before the exam. But some have to take a little by little, and we need time to learn, like me, for instance.

Now that I have summer holiday, I have a change to really work and earn some money, so that I can put into a list of saving accounts I have. But even if I work full-time in the summer, I always find myself have more time to do things I want to do. Unlike during the semester, where I am constantly focused on school, even if I have more free days.

So, since that I am in a totally different mood now, whenever I have a day off work, I always try to find something to do with my friends. I try to contact them. I try to find something fun we could do together. I try to make an appointment, so we could just catch up a little. But it turns out to be that they were more busy than I expected. I admit that I do not have too many friends, so when it comes to the days where everyone of them are up with something. Somehow, I start to feel like I am unwanted. I feel like they do not want to hang with me, because I have been all over them every time I get a day off. Perhaps I have been too much, I do not know. Perhaps I annoy them, that should not be impossible either.

Whatever it is. I decided to stop blaming myself, instead I will compliment myself.

I am a great person. I have nice personalities. I am good company. And I am funny. If you do not want to join or hang out with me? Fine. Your choice. Your lost. And thank you for making me feel so special that one time when you seriously need good company and someone to hear about your worries, and I was there for you. Yes, because that is what friends are for, but apparently I do not mean that much to you. Thank you for making me realize how much our friendship is worth now.

So, I am just going to be here doing my stuff. You can come and find me, whenever you realize my importance. I am so fucking tired of pushing myself to have a place in people's life. Taking initiatives. Keep in touch. So, if I mean something for you, you better make a space for me, because I am done trying!

-Patch