Last week really got hard on me. I had so much on my schedule, day to evening, some days till late at night.. But really, who can I blame if it can not be myself?
Thursday: This semester I have specializing in Event Management. We, the event class, are planning and creating an actual event that will take place in June. So, we had a promotion party for those who are interested to attend the event. I went there, against my will, because I thought it was a part of what we are doing in school. I see it more of an important "product" or "event", than drinking and have fun. I also thought, I would perhaps give a shot to be a part of the class. Which turned out to be bullshit. To be honest, I felt like I was in the wrong place. Yes, I do regret going there(even before I went there). Partying in western style is not my thing. I tried to give this part of the culture many chances, but I always end up with disappointment. I always feel uncomfortable and awkward.. Maybe it is that I do not like how different people act, when they drink? Or I could easily blame myself, again, for being different, because I do not drink. Seriously, enough trying.
If being social and getting friends is a huge part of going on parties in this culture that I live in, I am letting it go. I have never felt comfortable doing it and I know now that I never will adapt myself to this part of the culture. I am not being arrogant. I just give up trying something that is out of my comfort-zone, that becomes pointless and wasting of time
Friday: I slept pretty bad. Despite of that, I had to go to work. There is one thing that I always look forward to when I go to work and that is to see my colleagues. It was quite much to do, but it was alright, because being busy makes the time go faster. Then the rest of the day became blurry to me. All I know is that I did shower, as usually, after I came home...
Saturday: A colleague of mine was having the moving-in-party and she really wanted me to go. I was convinced that I would not go, after what I experienced on Thursday. Another colleague, convinced me and he offered himself not to drink, just to company me. That felt like a burden for me, but in a way I did not ask him for that. Later that night, we went to see a concert, which finished when we got there. But they kept playing nice club music, so we stayed there and danced for couple of hours. I can not believe that I am saying this, but I really enjoy the night! This kind of party was different, or it could be that I was hanging out with people I know and respect me for who I am. I had so much fun dancing and learning to dance too. It was crowded on the dance floor, which is pretty rare for what I have seen in this country... People who danced were so talented and I felt like my dancing moves were just too weak compared to theirs. I got a lot of inspirations! Despite to that thought, I did not give a damn. I danced like nobody was watching. Two guys tried to hit on me that evening. The one was too awkward. The other one was too creepy.
I really enjoyed that night and the best thing of all is that I remember everything. Don't you think that would be nice too, to look back and remember people you met, what they said, what you did and where you were or how you ended up at some strange place? Or is it only, who looks like I am 19 years old, but is actually turning 23 soon, and think like I am 40?
Sunday: I came home 3:30 am, went to sleep at 4 am, because it is important to remove makeup and clean your face before you go to sleep! I woke up around 9 am. A part of me was telling to go back to sleep. Another part of me was telling me that I had enough fun for now and I should get my ass to the library and study! Guess, which part won? I spent 5 hours at the library studying. It was really worth it, because I read through 6 chapters and I did take some notes too. I am more or less on the right track now, finally.
Monday: Woke up around 7:30 am. Had three hours school. Went to the Bare Bones Tour concert of the legend, Bryan Adams. Definitely a concert that you have to experience before you die! The Bare Bones Tour brings you the pureness of many years of his work. The concert was acoustic; with Bryan Adams singing live, who rocks on guitar and Gary, the amazing pianist. It was pure, amazing, incredible, personal, touching.. You can not put a word to describe this concert. The best word I could come up with was "Perfexcellent", if that makes sense to you. I was home around 11 pm.
Today: Honestly, I was thinking of skipping school today, since that it started at 8:30 and I had lack of sleep in the past few days. I guess my mentality is so strong, because I got up 20 minutes after the alarm and still I was able to put some makeup on and even catch the train, and the best thing: I manage to be at school before the lesson started. I feel like I kind of nailed everything right now, thinking of how little sleep I have had lately. I had triple espresso today, which kept me awake through 6 hours of school. I get über hyper when I drink coffee, but in the class I can not do anything else but sit there and pay attention. When school was over, the effect of the espresso also running off. My hands started to shiver, my heart was uncomfortably beating hard, I fell asleep on the train back home.. When I got home I ate the leftovers and just passed out. I found myself laying on my bed with old school music in my ears(because my neighbor was hammering like there is no tomorrow) and the sickest thing of all: a corner of the pillow was wet(=slaver). Now I sit and wonder if I can fall asleep tonight.
The sum up this blog entry:
1) I miss how easy it was to make friends, before, when I was just a kid.
2) I have a dilemma. I want to take a coffin break, which means no coffee. Then I have to get enough sleep, which seems to be a challenge sometimes.. If you know a way to keep yourself awake, without coffee and energy drinks, please let me know!
3) I am happy that I do not have this much going on every week. And happily, it seems like this week is going to be less stressing!
4) I give up on joining on parties, especially to the parties where people do not have any understanding or respect for me.
5) I will not push myself out of the comfort-zone, to waste my time and end up with nothing but disappointment.
6) I will not fight for a spot in people's lives. If they want me in their lives, they better make a place for me.
7) I choose to be surrounded by those people who love me and stop caring about those who let me down(or misusing me -just because I seem to be dumb and kind in their eyes).
Wishing you a wonderful week!
-Patch
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
March 5, 2013
February 15, 2013
PMS x 5
14th February, you all know what day I am talking about here. No! DO NOT say what day it is. I cannot stand hearing(in this case "reading" would make more sense) it! For me, it was just another Thursday, one freaking Thursday.
Believe it or not, I seriously woke up with some sort of depression today morning. And I thought logging into Facebook could help. No, it made it all worse. 14th February is such a big deal in Thailand, even though we did not come up with the idea of "the-all-over-the-world-is-pink-day". On the news feed there were tons of "HVD"(FYI: HVD stands for Happy Valentine's Day. I just do not want to use the full version. I am temporary very sensitive). You cannot shut out the world, unless you refuse yourself to be a part of it. My decision was that I deactivated my Facebook account, just because of all the news feed that made me sick!
Then they called me from work and wanted me to work. I was not feeling well, mentally and emotionally, but I accepted to work, because I know I cannot lock myself inside of four walls while I was about to feel sorry for myself.. I got to work around 1:30 PM. I realized I did not eat anything yet, so I to force some food in me. There is something about me, when I am stressed, mad or worried, food is not on my mind at all. Otherwise I would literally have cravings all day long and I eat a lot more than what others think a little person like me could do.
When I started working, a good colleague came by and talked to me. I did not stand still and talk, I was working at the same time as the conversation was going. Then another colleague, who worked at the same station as me just broke into the conversation and shouted at me that I have to work and not chat with people, then he made my colleague go back to his work. I thought: "For God's sake, I am so not ready for this!", besides of all that, there was not a lot to do at all. A while after that, that guy complained again, but this time he kind of made fun of me in front of another colleague. Like, he told to the other guy about me not working at all, while I was running back and forth, when he was standing and "talking behind me back". I was about to freak out on him, but I tried something nice first by saying in an angry voice: "Dude, could you just let it go?! God damn it! AAAARRRRGH!!!!!" It felt gooood! He stopped. Good choice, though. Otherwise I could have broke something on purpose, and yelled at him! I almost lost control, because I was already in bad mood and I was not seeing it coming that he would be such a douche to me.
An hour later, he tried to talk friendly to me again, but he did not know that I am long-angry person. He is 40 -50 years old. I always have high respect for the elders. This time, this person did not deserve any respect from me. I was unfriendly to him.
Sometimes, I think people take me for granted, because I usually smile and joke around all the time. They probably think that I cannot be serious for a second and maybe they would go too far, by doing stupid things which will piss me off. Before I used to keep it all to myself, I could be really mad at someone(specially at someone older than me), but everything stays with me. I found out that it will not help anyone and I make it worse for myself, by bearing something heavy in my heart instead of just simply letting it go. No, but that is the old me. If I let people believe that I never get mad, they will just continue be pain in the ass! I am not rude, but if you are rude to me or piss me off first, I will just make sure that you regret everything you did.
People who know me well, they know that I am a moody person. If I am nice, I am extremely nice(depending on how much I care about you, though). If I am mad, no matter who you are, you better step back and give me some time and space, otherwise... who knows what could happen. No one, who is close to me, never really crossed that line -they know where to stop(or I would tell them to).
Felt like I had PMS today. I was unhappy basically the whole day, and food did not help, then I time the PMS with 5! And that is how I spent 14th February.
What did you do on this "special" day? I hope you had a much better day than me!
-Patch
Believe it or not, I seriously woke up with some sort of depression today morning. And I thought logging into Facebook could help. No, it made it all worse. 14th February is such a big deal in Thailand, even though we did not come up with the idea of "the-all-over-the-world-is-pink-day". On the news feed there were tons of "HVD"(FYI: HVD stands for Happy Valentine's Day. I just do not want to use the full version. I am temporary very sensitive). You cannot shut out the world, unless you refuse yourself to be a part of it. My decision was that I deactivated my Facebook account, just because of all the news feed that made me sick!
Then they called me from work and wanted me to work. I was not feeling well, mentally and emotionally, but I accepted to work, because I know I cannot lock myself inside of four walls while I was about to feel sorry for myself.. I got to work around 1:30 PM. I realized I did not eat anything yet, so I to force some food in me. There is something about me, when I am stressed, mad or worried, food is not on my mind at all. Otherwise I would literally have cravings all day long and I eat a lot more than what others think a little person like me could do.
When I started working, a good colleague came by and talked to me. I did not stand still and talk, I was working at the same time as the conversation was going. Then another colleague, who worked at the same station as me just broke into the conversation and shouted at me that I have to work and not chat with people, then he made my colleague go back to his work. I thought: "For God's sake, I am so not ready for this!", besides of all that, there was not a lot to do at all. A while after that, that guy complained again, but this time he kind of made fun of me in front of another colleague. Like, he told to the other guy about me not working at all, while I was running back and forth, when he was standing and "talking behind me back". I was about to freak out on him, but I tried something nice first by saying in an angry voice: "Dude, could you just let it go?! God damn it! AAAARRRRGH!!!!!" It felt gooood! He stopped. Good choice, though. Otherwise I could have broke something on purpose, and yelled at him! I almost lost control, because I was already in bad mood and I was not seeing it coming that he would be such a douche to me.
An hour later, he tried to talk friendly to me again, but he did not know that I am long-angry person. He is 40 -50 years old. I always have high respect for the elders. This time, this person did not deserve any respect from me. I was unfriendly to him.
Sometimes, I think people take me for granted, because I usually smile and joke around all the time. They probably think that I cannot be serious for a second and maybe they would go too far, by doing stupid things which will piss me off. Before I used to keep it all to myself, I could be really mad at someone(specially at someone older than me), but everything stays with me. I found out that it will not help anyone and I make it worse for myself, by bearing something heavy in my heart instead of just simply letting it go. No, but that is the old me. If I let people believe that I never get mad, they will just continue be pain in the ass! I am not rude, but if you are rude to me or piss me off first, I will just make sure that you regret everything you did.
People who know me well, they know that I am a moody person. If I am nice, I am extremely nice(depending on how much I care about you, though). If I am mad, no matter who you are, you better step back and give me some time and space, otherwise... who knows what could happen. No one, who is close to me, never really crossed that line -they know where to stop(or I would tell them to).
Felt like I had PMS today. I was unhappy basically the whole day, and food did not help, then I time the PMS with 5! And that is how I spent 14th February.
What did you do on this "special" day? I hope you had a much better day than me!
-Patch
September 9, 2012
I am alive!
Well, where should I start and what should I say after being gone for a long, long time? Perhaps it is a good start to apologize my followers(like I had any) for have being absent in the past two months(at least!). Yes, I am very sorry for just disappeared without letting you know beforehand.
And now I should explain why I was absent. Well, living in a city that you do not belong to, at a young age like me ain't easy! I realized that working five days a week and also trying to spend some time with people you love at the same time as you should make, edit and uploading video was not easy as it sounds like(or is it me who was being lazy?). But there are other reasons as well, which I will not tell, because I do not want a lot of attention around it. If you know me personally, you probably know what I talk about.
In case you wonder(and care), I am doing pretty good. I met some walls on the way, but what does not kill you makes you stronger -right? I have moved to a new place and have not had the right time to sit in front of the camera yet, besides I look like shit from stressing in the last two months. Aaaand I do not have a super awesome computer, which means that I can not edit video on my cute little mini-laptop. However, I will try to keep updating this blog as often as I can(with pictures and stuffs)!
I do not know about where you live, but in Oslo it starts to get cold. Fall is my favorite time of the year, because of the colors on the trees and it is chilly enough that I can wrap a BIG scarf around my neck without people staring at me. Well, I do not like rain though -unless I stay inside and sleep the day long -which I do not really do anymore, because I have "grown up", I guess. Anyways, do not take the sun for granted(unless you live near the equator), because when it goes down, you'll be freezing your nose off! An advice from me to you(because I care): a scarf can be a lifesaver, so do like me - wrap you neck with a nice scarf, besides scarf is one of the must-have accessories for fall!
Still you can stalk me on TWITTER and INSTAGRAM
Take care and see you soon!
-Patch
And now I should explain why I was absent. Well, living in a city that you do not belong to, at a young age like me ain't easy! I realized that working five days a week and also trying to spend some time with people you love at the same time as you should make, edit and uploading video was not easy as it sounds like(or is it me who was being lazy?). But there are other reasons as well, which I will not tell, because I do not want a lot of attention around it. If you know me personally, you probably know what I talk about.
In case you wonder(and care), I am doing pretty good. I met some walls on the way, but what does not kill you makes you stronger -right? I have moved to a new place and have not had the right time to sit in front of the camera yet, besides I look like shit from stressing in the last two months. Aaaand I do not have a super awesome computer, which means that I can not edit video on my cute little mini-laptop. However, I will try to keep updating this blog as often as I can(with pictures and stuffs)!
I do not know about where you live, but in Oslo it starts to get cold. Fall is my favorite time of the year, because of the colors on the trees and it is chilly enough that I can wrap a BIG scarf around my neck without people staring at me. Well, I do not like rain though -unless I stay inside and sleep the day long -which I do not really do anymore, because I have "grown up", I guess. Anyways, do not take the sun for granted(unless you live near the equator), because when it goes down, you'll be freezing your nose off! An advice from me to you(because I care): a scarf can be a lifesaver, so do like me - wrap you neck with a nice scarf, besides scarf is one of the must-have accessories for fall!
 |
| Remember the scarf and take good care of yourself! |
Take care and see you soon!
-Patch
June 8, 2012
Update
Hello Honey hearts!!
Since that I finally have got the summer vacation, things have changed recently. I go to work five days a week, I have got a bang(or a fringe, if you want to call it so) and I also have a bunch of things I would like to do this summer..
Sometimes I feel like it is waste of time to sit in front of the computer all day long. That is why I have made some plans and goals that I would like to achieve. I am not a very active or sporty type of person, so obviously I need a lot of pressure on me to go to gym. Otherwise I really enjoy dancing and hula-hooping at home. My summer job is pretty hard as well, when I come home, I swear that my arms and shoulders hurt, so enough physical work out at work at least. From working just two days, I have gain muscles on my arms, my abs and also my legs!!!
Let's watch the videos, shall we?
If you have any questions or requests, please feel free to let me know by comment in the comment section or on twitter.
Stalk me at TWITTER and INSTAGRAM
Have a wonderful Friday, guys.
-Patch
Since that I finally have got the summer vacation, things have changed recently. I go to work five days a week, I have got a bang(or a fringe, if you want to call it so) and I also have a bunch of things I would like to do this summer..
Sometimes I feel like it is waste of time to sit in front of the computer all day long. That is why I have made some plans and goals that I would like to achieve. I am not a very active or sporty type of person, so obviously I need a lot of pressure on me to go to gym. Otherwise I really enjoy dancing and hula-hooping at home. My summer job is pretty hard as well, when I come home, I swear that my arms and shoulders hurt, so enough physical work out at work at least. From working just two days, I have gain muscles on my arms, my abs and also my legs!!!
Let's watch the videos, shall we?
If you have any questions or requests, please feel free to let me know by comment in the comment section or on twitter.
Stalk me at TWITTER and INSTAGRAM
Have a wonderful Friday, guys.
-Patch
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