It has been over 4 years.
It is the 4th Father's Day.
Without him.
I looked at the Facebook news feed.
And this feeling was growing in me.
I was jealous of all of the people, who still have their father.
I have a father too. Who left me, mom and my brother.
I was two.
He only called when he needed money.
He remembered my birthday, twice.
That was after I turned 20 and did not need him anymore.
Last time I was on the phone with him, he was asking about borrowing me money.
I am mad at him for never being there when I needed him.
And now, when he's in need(for money), he tries his best to be a father.
How can I forgive this man?
I was 9 when my mom re-married.
This guy became my dad and my best friend.
In 7 years, I had to wait to feel complete.
Like other families.
10 years. That was the time I got to spend with him.
That went too fast.
Even 4 years without him feels even longer.
Tell me how I will manage another year with this.
Without my dad.
I miss you...
-Your daughter
November 10, 2013
November 8, 2013
A regular day of a student...
I swear September and Octorber passed by like it was just 2 minutes. I can barely remember what had happened in the two passing months. What I remember the most was waking up early, getting ready, go to school, either to attend a class or to sit down and work on one of the group assignments. I come home in the evening, getting ready for bed and sleep, and the next day the same thing. September and October really had been intense, even four four exams are over I still have four exams waiting ahead. So, this is not going to stop, yet.
Now that the subjects start to finish one by one, I will have more time. More time to read and study for the other exams, what else? I find this semester has been so intense that I get so exhausted at least one day in a week. And all I want to do is just come home and go to sleep. It happens that I go to sleep at 6 og 7 pm some days in the week. Even when I go to bed this early, I still could not feel rested. If you say that study life is easy, you are wrong.
Thanks to my attitude, I started climbing -with scared of heights that I got rid off after I climbed all the 8 meters up the wall. And I try my best to go climbing at least once a week. Lately, I have not been there even once, which also mean that my health sucks at the moment. In addition I neither get time to train other than climbing. I may do pilates 30/40 minutes once a week, but that is it. My body is really crying for exercise, but I cannot buy time to give what my body wishes. I also eat unhealthy food, like buns, pizza, fries, chocolate milk... Do you tend to eat unhealthy, when you are under stress? And do you sometimes feel too tired to do any exercise when you are under stress too?
Last night I slept as long as the other days, but hell if I did sleep tighter than I could remember the last time I did that! Just because, I do not have all the worries about group assignments in my backpack anymore. Chao!
Anyhow, I know I will not let this happen too long. I know I can get back to train regularly, eat more healthy(with small treats every day), sleep tighter, drink more water and be happier, now that I am more free. Therefore I just post a little update and go back to reading.
Have a great weekend, everyone!
-Patch
Now that the subjects start to finish one by one, I will have more time. More time to read and study for the other exams, what else? I find this semester has been so intense that I get so exhausted at least one day in a week. And all I want to do is just come home and go to sleep. It happens that I go to sleep at 6 og 7 pm some days in the week. Even when I go to bed this early, I still could not feel rested. If you say that study life is easy, you are wrong.
Thanks to my attitude, I started climbing -with scared of heights that I got rid off after I climbed all the 8 meters up the wall. And I try my best to go climbing at least once a week. Lately, I have not been there even once, which also mean that my health sucks at the moment. In addition I neither get time to train other than climbing. I may do pilates 30/40 minutes once a week, but that is it. My body is really crying for exercise, but I cannot buy time to give what my body wishes. I also eat unhealthy food, like buns, pizza, fries, chocolate milk... Do you tend to eat unhealthy, when you are under stress? And do you sometimes feel too tired to do any exercise when you are under stress too?
Last night I slept as long as the other days, but hell if I did sleep tighter than I could remember the last time I did that! Just because, I do not have all the worries about group assignments in my backpack anymore. Chao!
Anyhow, I know I will not let this happen too long. I know I can get back to train regularly, eat more healthy(with small treats every day), sleep tighter, drink more water and be happier, now that I am more free. Therefore I just post a little update and go back to reading.
Have a great weekend, everyone!
-Patch
September 30, 2013
Hard run
Since the 5th semester has started, I already knew that things will be different. I was sure I would do things differently. I was sure I would change my attitude and daily routines.
When I have decided to do something. I do not wait till the New Year, I start right there.
It has brought me a hard run. My everyday has been up and down. Stressed me out, both physically and mentally. I have been having so much in my hands, still, with the right focus and a little believe in me that I can do it, I knew I will manage all. So far, so good.
I have my good days and bad days. And at least I would have that one day of the week, where I just go home and want to sit in a corner, turn off the light and cry. However, I have not yet cried, because of exhaustion. Instead, it builds the anger in me. Luckily, I have been able to control it so far. It usually pass by after a good night sleep.
It also takes a lot of my time. I remember I had time to go to the training studio at least three times a week. Now, I only train in front of the computer for just an hour every other day, at least that is what I try to keep up with. By getting less time to do other things than school, I changed my daily routine. Usually, those day when I do not have class early, or not at all. I would like to sleep long. I do not do that anymore. I get up around 6:45 - 7am everyday, even in weekends. Firstly, it is the biological clock in me. Secondly, when I worry about something, as soon as I wake up, I start to think about the possible solutions. Thirdly, duties are calling. I have not complained once, because I knew the consequences from the start of.
I push myself hard. Motivation varies from a day to another, still I keep pushing myself through it. To balance it all, I let myself have chocolate, cakes and other sweets whenever I desire. And of course, I try to eat healthy food and I try to bring lunch from home. I safe money and I get to eat what I want too. Win - win! Then I challenge myself to talk more in the class. Just today, I got the courage to do that. It took me more than a month. However, I do see that it is a progress and it takes time to get to my goals, just that I do not give up.
It is hard. It affects my body, my emotions and my mental. Being surrounded by duties, expectations from myself and others, limited of time and other problems in my life, I admit it is hard to put down the computer, phone and pen, just to give yourself a short break. I often force myself to do things, even if I do not feel for it. But that is just for the good. Whenever I take a day off, I want to feel like I do deserve it. In the mean time, I just treat myself with sweets, a little thing -but surely a big happiness for me.
I hope that this post would motivate you, or someone out there to work for what they want. Achieving goals. Getting successful in life. Gaining confident.
Changing for the better, that is what I do.
Have a nice week, every one!
-Patch
When I have decided to do something. I do not wait till the New Year, I start right there.
It has brought me a hard run. My everyday has been up and down. Stressed me out, both physically and mentally. I have been having so much in my hands, still, with the right focus and a little believe in me that I can do it, I knew I will manage all. So far, so good.
I have my good days and bad days. And at least I would have that one day of the week, where I just go home and want to sit in a corner, turn off the light and cry. However, I have not yet cried, because of exhaustion. Instead, it builds the anger in me. Luckily, I have been able to control it so far. It usually pass by after a good night sleep.
It also takes a lot of my time. I remember I had time to go to the training studio at least three times a week. Now, I only train in front of the computer for just an hour every other day, at least that is what I try to keep up with. By getting less time to do other things than school, I changed my daily routine. Usually, those day when I do not have class early, or not at all. I would like to sleep long. I do not do that anymore. I get up around 6:45 - 7am everyday, even in weekends. Firstly, it is the biological clock in me. Secondly, when I worry about something, as soon as I wake up, I start to think about the possible solutions. Thirdly, duties are calling. I have not complained once, because I knew the consequences from the start of.
I push myself hard. Motivation varies from a day to another, still I keep pushing myself through it. To balance it all, I let myself have chocolate, cakes and other sweets whenever I desire. And of course, I try to eat healthy food and I try to bring lunch from home. I safe money and I get to eat what I want too. Win - win! Then I challenge myself to talk more in the class. Just today, I got the courage to do that. It took me more than a month. However, I do see that it is a progress and it takes time to get to my goals, just that I do not give up.
It is hard. It affects my body, my emotions and my mental. Being surrounded by duties, expectations from myself and others, limited of time and other problems in my life, I admit it is hard to put down the computer, phone and pen, just to give yourself a short break. I often force myself to do things, even if I do not feel for it. But that is just for the good. Whenever I take a day off, I want to feel like I do deserve it. In the mean time, I just treat myself with sweets, a little thing -but surely a big happiness for me.
I hope that this post would motivate you, or someone out there to work for what they want. Achieving goals. Getting successful in life. Gaining confident.
Changing for the better, that is what I do.
Have a nice week, every one!
-Patch
July 9, 2013
Alone does not mean Lonely
I spent almost last weekend alone. But it does not mean I was lonely. Let me speak out.
After work on Friday I went to the cinema and watched Despicable Me 2. It was premier day. Unfortunately, no one could join me and I was sad by the thought that I would be sitting there alone and laugh for myself. It turned out to be much better than expected. As soon as the movie started, I was so immersed that I forgot I went there alone. The whole room was laughing and I was not afraid to L-O-L either. No, I did not like the movie, I freaking loved it!
On Saturday I spent some hours at the gym, alone. Then I went to have BBQ with my friends shortly. It was really nice, but I felt left out every now and then for some reason. I came home and got hard headache from being in the sun in many hours. And my body was dehydrated. I felt dizzy, so I went early in bed.
On the last day of the weekend the weather was amazing. Not too hot or too cold. I spent some ours in a park, reading, walking around, enjoying the weather under a tree. The best thing was that I switched off my phone, then I found peace and I could focus on the moment and the environment around me. After that I went to a restaurant to have dinner alone. I think the waitress was feeling pity for me, because I was alone, so she was super nice and gave me really good service.
I am that kind of person who needs company in mostly whatever I do(except from reading and studying). I admit that I get easily lonely and depressed, when I have not been social for a while. So, the thought of spending more or less a whole weekend alone scared me. But it turns out to be better than I expected and I really enjoyed it. Now I have learned to do things on my own, without getting depressed. It is not too difficult than it is. All you have to do is accept that no one can(or want) to hang with you(AND FUCK THEM!). Find a place where you feel comfortable, whether it is in a noisy place(but I highly recommend outside). Try something new. Find a hobby. And appreciate the time you have for yourself, because we are all busy and sometimes we do not have enough time for ourselves to sit down and appreciate. Breath. Think of nice people in your life, your lover, crush, happy moments, your pets.. You get my point, right?
And when I tell people how wonderful weekend I have had, they ask if I had a date-weekend. When I tell them that I was alone, they feel pity for me. Please, do not make me feel pity for myself too. Because I am enjoying this right now and I could not wish it any other way. It is good with company, but it also depends on what kind of company you get. If I am with people who do not really want to be with me, I rather spend time alone.
And yes, once again, Anna Akana has been an inspiration for me this time too. Thank you, Anna, for making me facing something I was scared of. I know I wan over the fear and it feels great! You were so right, solo dinner was totally awesome!
Have a great week, guys and girls!
-Patch
After work on Friday I went to the cinema and watched Despicable Me 2. It was premier day. Unfortunately, no one could join me and I was sad by the thought that I would be sitting there alone and laugh for myself. It turned out to be much better than expected. As soon as the movie started, I was so immersed that I forgot I went there alone. The whole room was laughing and I was not afraid to L-O-L either. No, I did not like the movie, I freaking loved it!
 |
| Well, I lied. I was not totally alone at the cinema. I had a date with Dave. |
On the last day of the weekend the weather was amazing. Not too hot or too cold. I spent some ours in a park, reading, walking around, enjoying the weather under a tree. The best thing was that I switched off my phone, then I found peace and I could focus on the moment and the environment around me. After that I went to a restaurant to have dinner alone. I think the waitress was feeling pity for me, because I was alone, so she was super nice and gave me really good service.
 |
| Delicious salad with strawberries and roasted nuts! |
 |
| Absolutely better than sex. Warm brownies, vanilla ice-cream with hot caramel and chocolate sauce and nuts. |
I am that kind of person who needs company in mostly whatever I do(except from reading and studying). I admit that I get easily lonely and depressed, when I have not been social for a while. So, the thought of spending more or less a whole weekend alone scared me. But it turns out to be better than I expected and I really enjoyed it. Now I have learned to do things on my own, without getting depressed. It is not too difficult than it is. All you have to do is accept that no one can(or want) to hang with you(AND FUCK THEM!). Find a place where you feel comfortable, whether it is in a noisy place(but I highly recommend outside). Try something new. Find a hobby. And appreciate the time you have for yourself, because we are all busy and sometimes we do not have enough time for ourselves to sit down and appreciate. Breath. Think of nice people in your life, your lover, crush, happy moments, your pets.. You get my point, right?
And when I tell people how wonderful weekend I have had, they ask if I had a date-weekend. When I tell them that I was alone, they feel pity for me. Please, do not make me feel pity for myself too. Because I am enjoying this right now and I could not wish it any other way. It is good with company, but it also depends on what kind of company you get. If I am with people who do not really want to be with me, I rather spend time alone.
And yes, once again, Anna Akana has been an inspiration for me this time too. Thank you, Anna, for making me facing something I was scared of. I know I wan over the fear and it feels great! You were so right, solo dinner was totally awesome!
Have a great week, guys and girls!
-Patch
July 7, 2013
Come and find me
Being a student in Norway sounds easy. We get some couple of days off from school, which we should prioritize to do self-study and read, but most of us do not do that until right before the real exam day. Some are lucky, they usually get good grades by reading the whole syllabus the day before the exam. But some have to take a little by little, and we need time to learn, like me, for instance.
Now that I have summer holiday, I have a change to really work and earn some money, so that I can put into a list of saving accounts I have. But even if I work full-time in the summer, I always find myself have more time to do things I want to do. Unlike during the semester, where I am constantly focused on school, even if I have more free days.
So, since that I am in a totally different mood now, whenever I have a day off work, I always try to find something to do with my friends. I try to contact them. I try to find something fun we could do together. I try to make an appointment, so we could just catch up a little. But it turns out to be that they were more busy than I expected. I admit that I do not have too many friends, so when it comes to the days where everyone of them are up with something. Somehow, I start to feel like I am unwanted. I feel like they do not want to hang with me, because I have been all over them every time I get a day off. Perhaps I have been too much, I do not know. Perhaps I annoy them, that should not be impossible either.
Whatever it is. I decided to stop blaming myself, instead I will compliment myself.
I am a great person. I have nice personalities. I am good company. And I am funny. If you do not want to join or hang out with me? Fine. Your choice. Your lost. And thank you for making me feel so special that one time when you seriously need good company and someone to hear about your worries, and I was there for you. Yes, because that is what friends are for, but apparently I do not mean that much to you. Thank you for making me realize how much our friendship is worth now.
So, I am just going to be here doing my stuff. You can come and find me, whenever you realize my importance. I am so fucking tired of pushing myself to have a place in people's life. Taking initiatives. Keep in touch. So, if I mean something for you, you better make a space for me, because I am done trying!
-Patch
Now that I have summer holiday, I have a change to really work and earn some money, so that I can put into a list of saving accounts I have. But even if I work full-time in the summer, I always find myself have more time to do things I want to do. Unlike during the semester, where I am constantly focused on school, even if I have more free days.
So, since that I am in a totally different mood now, whenever I have a day off work, I always try to find something to do with my friends. I try to contact them. I try to find something fun we could do together. I try to make an appointment, so we could just catch up a little. But it turns out to be that they were more busy than I expected. I admit that I do not have too many friends, so when it comes to the days where everyone of them are up with something. Somehow, I start to feel like I am unwanted. I feel like they do not want to hang with me, because I have been all over them every time I get a day off. Perhaps I have been too much, I do not know. Perhaps I annoy them, that should not be impossible either.
Whatever it is. I decided to stop blaming myself, instead I will compliment myself.
I am a great person. I have nice personalities. I am good company. And I am funny. If you do not want to join or hang out with me? Fine. Your choice. Your lost. And thank you for making me feel so special that one time when you seriously need good company and someone to hear about your worries, and I was there for you. Yes, because that is what friends are for, but apparently I do not mean that much to you. Thank you for making me realize how much our friendship is worth now.
So, I am just going to be here doing my stuff. You can come and find me, whenever you realize my importance. I am so fucking tired of pushing myself to have a place in people's life. Taking initiatives. Keep in touch. So, if I mean something for you, you better make a space for me, because I am done trying!
-Patch
July 6, 2013
The World of Opportunities
I have been gone so long that I have no idea where and what to start with.. Let's skip over all the excuses of why I have been absent and get to the point.
I am a young girl. Growing up in the World of Opportunities. I have always had options for mostly everything, even if my family was poor back in the days. I have always taken my time to choose what to eat when I go to the restaurant, but luckily I have got better by the years, because I now have a limit of what I can choose out of the menu, since I am pescetarian.
Talking about decision-making. I am very terrible at this. I often has to call my mom or friends for their opinions, or even ask them: "what would you do, if you were me/in this kind of situation?". I also fall easily for others opinion and advice when I do not know the right one myself. Which is a bad habbit, because I am not letting me knowing myself good enough.
I am 23 years old. I have no idea what I want to be in the future. I have no clue what to do next year after the graduation. I do know for sure that I will not study for a higher degree right away. I often ask myself questions that I cannot answer and then the questions start to become worries. I do worry a lot about my future, of how it would be and how it would end up.
Elders they always told me: "Don't worry. You are born into the World of Opportunities. You have many roads to go".
Why do they make it sound so easy? In the reality, it is not easy at all. Especially if you still are that type of person who does not quite know what you want to be and want to do in the future. I know I am still so young, but I do not to waste years doing a job which I do not love and that there is someone out there who is dreaming of getting, then I would not only steal a job for that person, but I am also stealing the dream of him/her.
If I only knew what my dream really is, what I really want and where I want to be, it would be so much easier for me to make a plan, or take one of the many opportunities I have in my life. But right now, I am holding so many strings and I do not know which one to pull and which one to release. I just hold on to every single of them and I do nothing about it.
So, tell me, how many opportunities do you have for your future? What do you want to do? Where do you want to be? Who do you want to be? Whose dreams are you chasing?
Simple questions, but it will take you half an hour(at least) to figure out, unless you have already gone through this a couple of times.
If you have any tips or advice, I would gladly know!
Have a super weekend!
-Patch
I am a young girl. Growing up in the World of Opportunities. I have always had options for mostly everything, even if my family was poor back in the days. I have always taken my time to choose what to eat when I go to the restaurant, but luckily I have got better by the years, because I now have a limit of what I can choose out of the menu, since I am pescetarian.
Talking about decision-making. I am very terrible at this. I often has to call my mom or friends for their opinions, or even ask them: "what would you do, if you were me/in this kind of situation?". I also fall easily for others opinion and advice when I do not know the right one myself. Which is a bad habbit, because I am not letting me knowing myself good enough.
I am 23 years old. I have no idea what I want to be in the future. I have no clue what to do next year after the graduation. I do know for sure that I will not study for a higher degree right away. I often ask myself questions that I cannot answer and then the questions start to become worries. I do worry a lot about my future, of how it would be and how it would end up.
Elders they always told me: "Don't worry. You are born into the World of Opportunities. You have many roads to go".
Why do they make it sound so easy? In the reality, it is not easy at all. Especially if you still are that type of person who does not quite know what you want to be and want to do in the future. I know I am still so young, but I do not to waste years doing a job which I do not love and that there is someone out there who is dreaming of getting, then I would not only steal a job for that person, but I am also stealing the dream of him/her.
If I only knew what my dream really is, what I really want and where I want to be, it would be so much easier for me to make a plan, or take one of the many opportunities I have in my life. But right now, I am holding so many strings and I do not know which one to pull and which one to release. I just hold on to every single of them and I do nothing about it.
So, tell me, how many opportunities do you have for your future? What do you want to do? Where do you want to be? Who do you want to be? Whose dreams are you chasing?
Simple questions, but it will take you half an hour(at least) to figure out, unless you have already gone through this a couple of times.
If you have any tips or advice, I would gladly know!
Have a super weekend!
-Patch
April 19, 2013
(UKE COVER) Payphone - Maroon 5
It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday!
I do not know how long I am going to keep this up, but I will try my best to upload a ukulele cover every Friday. Just do not expect too much. Hahaha.
Me and DOLPH is back with another song and we had so much fun even though this is probably one of the most challenging song I have decided to practice on, but also the most playful and enjoyable song too.
Maroon 5 in my heart forever!
Sorry for the mistakes and swearing words(I know I could have learned the lyrics differently, but it is way too much to concentrate on already on playing and singing -I am not born in a musician family. Haha.) And also apologize if my voice was totally messed up, I was still a little sick when I recorded this.
Stalk me!
TWITTER: @patchtastic28
INSTAGRAM: patchtastic
Wish you a wonderful weekend!
-Patch
I do not know how long I am going to keep this up, but I will try my best to upload a ukulele cover every Friday. Just do not expect too much. Hahaha.
Me and DOLPH is back with another song and we had so much fun even though this is probably one of the most challenging song I have decided to practice on, but also the most playful and enjoyable song too.
Maroon 5 in my heart forever!
Sorry for the mistakes and swearing words(I know I could have learned the lyrics differently, but it is way too much to concentrate on already on playing and singing -I am not born in a musician family. Haha.) And also apologize if my voice was totally messed up, I was still a little sick when I recorded this.
Stalk me!
TWITTER: @patchtastic28
INSTAGRAM: patchtastic
Wish you a wonderful weekend!
-Patch
April 14, 2013
(DANCE COVER) Gentlemen - PSY
I bet you all know the South-Korean artist "PSY", who took the whole world with a storm when he released "Gangnam Style" -the most epic music video I have ever seen. I was listening to Gangnam Style for a month, in loop, everyday. Yes, I love PSY that much! After a while, I started to hear it on the radio in Norway. I was proud, that I for once was a hipster and felt incredibly proud of being an Asian(well, I am that normally too)!
Then earlier this week, I came across one article about PSY and his new single. When I heard the song, I really could not wait till the music video would be released! Then I started to get even more excited and my expectations just got higher and higher... And already then I started to listen to "Gentlemen" in loop, everyday.
Until today, when I was at the library studying. I took a break from the books and checked another book, Facebook, instead. What did I see? I saw that the official music video of PSY's newest single, "Gentlemen" was finally released. My face lightened up. I hit the play button and a smile showed up on my face. The smile got bigger and bigger. I put my hands on my mouth, so no one would see me smiling so awkwardly while sitting in front of my laptop. Then I started to laugh, I swear, if I was not at the library, the laughter would be so freaking loud and I would laugh till I had no voice and just sitting there clapping like a retarded seal. And the music is so dang catchy, I even made my chair swing! Today I learned that PSY will not just give us an experience and entertainment through his videos, he gives more than that! "Wait for it, it gets better!" that is how I would explain this video to other people who haven't seen it. And there was a moment I forgot where I was sitting, I started to move myself, then I realized that I was not home, not in my own room, so I stopped and took a look around if other people did see me. Yes, awkward moment happens to me all the time.
I am funny. But PSY is funnier!
I have to thank PSY OPPA for bringing us good music and entertainment on screen. He is a true legend of K-pop with his creativity. I LOVE YOU, PSY OPPAAAA!!!
Have you seen his video? Tell me what you think!
I hope you find my 1 minute long video enjoyable. Thumb me up!
Have a great one!
-Patch
Then earlier this week, I came across one article about PSY and his new single. When I heard the song, I really could not wait till the music video would be released! Then I started to get even more excited and my expectations just got higher and higher... And already then I started to listen to "Gentlemen" in loop, everyday.
Until today, when I was at the library studying. I took a break from the books and checked another book, Facebook, instead. What did I see? I saw that the official music video of PSY's newest single, "Gentlemen" was finally released. My face lightened up. I hit the play button and a smile showed up on my face. The smile got bigger and bigger. I put my hands on my mouth, so no one would see me smiling so awkwardly while sitting in front of my laptop. Then I started to laugh, I swear, if I was not at the library, the laughter would be so freaking loud and I would laugh till I had no voice and just sitting there clapping like a retarded seal. And the music is so dang catchy, I even made my chair swing! Today I learned that PSY will not just give us an experience and entertainment through his videos, he gives more than that! "Wait for it, it gets better!" that is how I would explain this video to other people who haven't seen it. And there was a moment I forgot where I was sitting, I started to move myself, then I realized that I was not home, not in my own room, so I stopped and took a look around if other people did see me. Yes, awkward moment happens to me all the time.
I am funny. But PSY is funnier!
I have to thank PSY OPPA for bringing us good music and entertainment on screen. He is a true legend of K-pop with his creativity. I LOVE YOU, PSY OPPAAAA!!!
Have you seen his video? Tell me what you think!
I hope you find my 1 minute long video enjoyable. Thumb me up!
Have a great one!
-Patch
April 12, 2013
(UKE COVER) ไกลแค่ไหน คือ ใกล้ - Getsanova
It has been a week and it is a perfect time for another blog update with a video.
Unfortunately, it is not makeup related this time. But I am happy to say that I am still happy with my "new" hobby and my new friend, DOLPH! So, we are back and we are going to bring you something special before the weekend starts.
The song that we(me&DOLPH) are bringing to you is by a band in Thailand called "Getsanova" and the song title is "ไกลแค่ไหน คือ ใกล้"("glai kae nai kue glaii" means "How far is close") This song is seriously, super hard to sing. Most part of the song is challenging enough to sing, but there is one point of the song where there is the high-pitch coming -THAT one second is hard! I apologize if I sang fake. I never had a singing lesson in my life, not excuse, just the truth.
The song is about one offers everything for that person he/she loves, but it seems like that person does not respond to anything that he/she does. Long to short: How far should I go to be or get close to you?
I hope you do not mind my bare face and my pj. It is just that little time I have(in the evening) to play and record it.
Stalk me:
TWITTER: @patchtastic28
Instagram: patchtastic
Happy weekend everyone!
-Patch
Unfortunately, it is not makeup related this time. But I am happy to say that I am still happy with my "new" hobby and my new friend, DOLPH! So, we are back and we are going to bring you something special before the weekend starts.
The song that we(me&DOLPH) are bringing to you is by a band in Thailand called "Getsanova" and the song title is "ไกลแค่ไหน คือ ใกล้"("glai kae nai kue glaii" means "How far is close") This song is seriously, super hard to sing. Most part of the song is challenging enough to sing, but there is one point of the song where there is the high-pitch coming -THAT one second is hard! I apologize if I sang fake. I never had a singing lesson in my life, not excuse, just the truth.
The song is about one offers everything for that person he/she loves, but it seems like that person does not respond to anything that he/she does. Long to short: How far should I go to be or get close to you?
I hope you do not mind my bare face and my pj. It is just that little time I have(in the evening) to play and record it.
Stalk me:
TWITTER: @patchtastic28
Instagram: patchtastic
Happy weekend everyone!
-Patch
April 5, 2013
(UKE COVER) I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
I am not going to lie.
I suck at singing. And I feel blessed that I at least can play ONE instrument!
"I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz is a classic when you have got your first ukelele.
It is THAT first song you learn to play.
This is what I've got, and I am sorry I messed up towards the end.
I usually play this song without any fail, but since that I recorded it, I somehow felt the pressure on me...
I hope you enjoy the awkward moment of me and DOPH(yes, my uke's name is DOLPH) and I wish you all one blessing weekend!
STALK ME!
Twitter: @patchtastic28
Instagram: patchtastic
Pinterest: patchtastic28
-Patch
I suck at singing. And I feel blessed that I at least can play ONE instrument!
"I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz is a classic when you have got your first ukelele.
It is THAT first song you learn to play.
This is what I've got, and I am sorry I messed up towards the end.
I usually play this song without any fail, but since that I recorded it, I somehow felt the pressure on me...
I hope you enjoy the awkward moment of me and DOPH(yes, my uke's name is DOLPH) and I wish you all one blessing weekend!
STALK ME!
Twitter: @patchtastic28
Instagram: patchtastic
Pinterest: patchtastic28
-Patch
March 7, 2013
SUCK IT UP
I am not going to lie, I have been unhappy with myself for the longest time now. I might not seem like so, but I took the acting class back in the days, I learned how to improvise and act. Only people who really know inside-out would know that I am living with pretension. Those people would know that every time I walk out the door I put the fake smile on my face. All of that is true. I do tell myself a lies, to make the day a little easier for me. Finally that has come to an end.
In the circumstances and cultures I grew up in, tough me to not think that I am better than others, or I should not think that I am more special than others. At some point I got the self-criticism and there was a troll growing in me.. Also having parents who did not give me positive response whenever I did something good -the inner troll got more control and got stronger. I am not blaming my parents, they did the right thing, they raised me up in the most perfect and most realistic way. They did not let me living in a dream, they pushed me all the time, they tough me to fight to get what I want. Although I had low self-confident, I have always been strong and fought for what I want. Life it difficult -that is how it simply is(wait, does that make any sense for you??)
I cannot believe it took me such a long time to realize and finally do something with it. It all started with me moving far away from home to study. I met lovely and stupid people. I kept the lovely ones and I stop giving a damn about the stupid ones. One day, out of the blue, a colleague of mine, who is also like a brother for me, told me that I am beautiful -from inside-out. After he got to explain why that came in all of sudden, he made me change my attitude. He told me that whenever I get a compliment, I should suck it up! It took me more than a week to go through a process of thinking and figuring out... What I ended up with was, believe it or not, that I was my worst enemy. Since I was a teenager, I always wanted to be confident and I wanted to walk with straight back and be happy with who I am -and enough acting!
I have never appreciated the compliments I got. The inner troll always told me that people just tell me that to be nice, or make me think that they are.. I could not believe in those words I heard, because I was never satisfied with the result or what I got. Very often, if you want to change something, you start with yourself first. Now that I know that I was my worst enemy, I had to destroy that troll or that person in my head. I had to start from where I am standing.
One morning I woke up and the first thing I did was to break up with my inner troll, the worst enemy of mine. It was the best break up I have ever done in my entire life. It felt GOOD. It felt releasing. It felt like wings started to grow on my back and I became a unicorn that poops out rainbow! Oh, hell yeah, that was a huge step for me, but it was the right and the best one. I have never felt better with myself. I also think, that I have gained a little more self-confident. Aaaah, it still feels good! I am more happier than ever!
Now, here I am standing with open arms to catch compliments. GIVE IT TO MEEEH!!!
Think: You have to lower yourself and who you are, just because the society you live in says so and you have to please it. With that kind of society I am not going to be someone. So, no! No, fuck it! I am who I am and I decide who I want to please, and it is not going to be YOU, the society! What kind of bullshit society is this, when it is not "acceptable" to believe in yourself?
FYI: There is a Youtuber, Anna Akana, who inspired me with her vlogs. I could relate myself to what she said and she has been an inspiration for me. Yes, I also got that "the inner troll" from her. Seriously, that shit does exist! I put one of her awesome videos below. Make sure you check out her channel and subscribe(she uploads more frequently than I do!).
Hope that something I said in the video could help, in case you could relate yourself to the same situation that I used to be in. Now, I made a video, you got to thumb me and comment below!
I'D LIKE TO BE STALKED!
TWITTER: @patchtastic28
INSTAGRAM: patchtastics
PINTEREST: patchtastic28
-Patch
In the circumstances and cultures I grew up in, tough me to not think that I am better than others, or I should not think that I am more special than others. At some point I got the self-criticism and there was a troll growing in me.. Also having parents who did not give me positive response whenever I did something good -the inner troll got more control and got stronger. I am not blaming my parents, they did the right thing, they raised me up in the most perfect and most realistic way. They did not let me living in a dream, they pushed me all the time, they tough me to fight to get what I want. Although I had low self-confident, I have always been strong and fought for what I want. Life it difficult -that is how it simply is(wait, does that make any sense for you??)
I cannot believe it took me such a long time to realize and finally do something with it. It all started with me moving far away from home to study. I met lovely and stupid people. I kept the lovely ones and I stop giving a damn about the stupid ones. One day, out of the blue, a colleague of mine, who is also like a brother for me, told me that I am beautiful -from inside-out. After he got to explain why that came in all of sudden, he made me change my attitude. He told me that whenever I get a compliment, I should suck it up! It took me more than a week to go through a process of thinking and figuring out... What I ended up with was, believe it or not, that I was my worst enemy. Since I was a teenager, I always wanted to be confident and I wanted to walk with straight back and be happy with who I am -and enough acting!
I have never appreciated the compliments I got. The inner troll always told me that people just tell me that to be nice, or make me think that they are.. I could not believe in those words I heard, because I was never satisfied with the result or what I got. Very often, if you want to change something, you start with yourself first. Now that I know that I was my worst enemy, I had to destroy that troll or that person in my head. I had to start from where I am standing.
One morning I woke up and the first thing I did was to break up with my inner troll, the worst enemy of mine. It was the best break up I have ever done in my entire life. It felt GOOD. It felt releasing. It felt like wings started to grow on my back and I became a unicorn that poops out rainbow! Oh, hell yeah, that was a huge step for me, but it was the right and the best one. I have never felt better with myself. I also think, that I have gained a little more self-confident. Aaaah, it still feels good! I am more happier than ever!
Now, here I am standing with open arms to catch compliments. GIVE IT TO MEEEH!!!
Think: You have to lower yourself and who you are, just because the society you live in says so and you have to please it. With that kind of society I am not going to be someone. So, no! No, fuck it! I am who I am and I decide who I want to please, and it is not going to be YOU, the society! What kind of bullshit society is this, when it is not "acceptable" to believe in yourself?
FYI: There is a Youtuber, Anna Akana, who inspired me with her vlogs. I could relate myself to what she said and she has been an inspiration for me. Yes, I also got that "the inner troll" from her. Seriously, that shit does exist! I put one of her awesome videos below. Make sure you check out her channel and subscribe(she uploads more frequently than I do!).
Hope that something I said in the video could help, in case you could relate yourself to the same situation that I used to be in. Now, I made a video, you got to thumb me and comment below!
I'D LIKE TO BE STALKED!
TWITTER: @patchtastic28
INSTAGRAM: patchtastics
PINTEREST: patchtastic28
-Patch
March 5, 2013
Parties, school and lack of sleep
Last week really got hard on me. I had so much on my schedule, day to evening, some days till late at night.. But really, who can I blame if it can not be myself?
Thursday: This semester I have specializing in Event Management. We, the event class, are planning and creating an actual event that will take place in June. So, we had a promotion party for those who are interested to attend the event. I went there, against my will, because I thought it was a part of what we are doing in school. I see it more of an important "product" or "event", than drinking and have fun. I also thought, I would perhaps give a shot to be a part of the class. Which turned out to be bullshit. To be honest, I felt like I was in the wrong place. Yes, I do regret going there(even before I went there). Partying in western style is not my thing. I tried to give this part of the culture many chances, but I always end up with disappointment. I always feel uncomfortable and awkward.. Maybe it is that I do not like how different people act, when they drink? Or I could easily blame myself, again, for being different, because I do not drink. Seriously, enough trying.
If being social and getting friends is a huge part of going on parties in this culture that I live in, I am letting it go. I have never felt comfortable doing it and I know now that I never will adapt myself to this part of the culture. I am not being arrogant. I just give up trying something that is out of my comfort-zone, that becomes pointless and wasting of time
Friday: I slept pretty bad. Despite of that, I had to go to work. There is one thing that I always look forward to when I go to work and that is to see my colleagues. It was quite much to do, but it was alright, because being busy makes the time go faster. Then the rest of the day became blurry to me. All I know is that I did shower, as usually, after I came home...
Saturday: A colleague of mine was having the moving-in-party and she really wanted me to go. I was convinced that I would not go, after what I experienced on Thursday. Another colleague, convinced me and he offered himself not to drink, just to company me. That felt like a burden for me, but in a way I did not ask him for that. Later that night, we went to see a concert, which finished when we got there. But they kept playing nice club music, so we stayed there and danced for couple of hours. I can not believe that I am saying this, but I really enjoy the night! This kind of party was different, or it could be that I was hanging out with people I know and respect me for who I am. I had so much fun dancing and learning to dance too. It was crowded on the dance floor, which is pretty rare for what I have seen in this country... People who danced were so talented and I felt like my dancing moves were just too weak compared to theirs. I got a lot of inspirations! Despite to that thought, I did not give a damn. I danced like nobody was watching. Two guys tried to hit on me that evening. The one was too awkward. The other one was too creepy.
I really enjoyed that night and the best thing of all is that I remember everything. Don't you think that would be nice too, to look back and remember people you met, what they said, what you did and where you were or how you ended up at some strange place? Or is it only, who looks like I am 19 years old, but is actually turning 23 soon, and think like I am 40?
Sunday: I came home 3:30 am, went to sleep at 4 am, because it is important to remove makeup and clean your face before you go to sleep! I woke up around 9 am. A part of me was telling to go back to sleep. Another part of me was telling me that I had enough fun for now and I should get my ass to the library and study! Guess, which part won? I spent 5 hours at the library studying. It was really worth it, because I read through 6 chapters and I did take some notes too. I am more or less on the right track now, finally.
Monday: Woke up around 7:30 am. Had three hours school. Went to the Bare Bones Tour concert of the legend, Bryan Adams. Definitely a concert that you have to experience before you die! The Bare Bones Tour brings you the pureness of many years of his work. The concert was acoustic; with Bryan Adams singing live, who rocks on guitar and Gary, the amazing pianist. It was pure, amazing, incredible, personal, touching.. You can not put a word to describe this concert. The best word I could come up with was "Perfexcellent", if that makes sense to you. I was home around 11 pm.
Today: Honestly, I was thinking of skipping school today, since that it started at 8:30 and I had lack of sleep in the past few days. I guess my mentality is so strong, because I got up 20 minutes after the alarm and still I was able to put some makeup on and even catch the train, and the best thing: I manage to be at school before the lesson started. I feel like I kind of nailed everything right now, thinking of how little sleep I have had lately. I had triple espresso today, which kept me awake through 6 hours of school. I get über hyper when I drink coffee, but in the class I can not do anything else but sit there and pay attention. When school was over, the effect of the espresso also running off. My hands started to shiver, my heart was uncomfortably beating hard, I fell asleep on the train back home.. When I got home I ate the leftovers and just passed out. I found myself laying on my bed with old school music in my ears(because my neighbor was hammering like there is no tomorrow) and the sickest thing of all: a corner of the pillow was wet(=slaver). Now I sit and wonder if I can fall asleep tonight.
The sum up this blog entry:
1) I miss how easy it was to make friends, before, when I was just a kid.
2) I have a dilemma. I want to take a coffin break, which means no coffee. Then I have to get enough sleep, which seems to be a challenge sometimes.. If you know a way to keep yourself awake, without coffee and energy drinks, please let me know!
3) I am happy that I do not have this much going on every week. And happily, it seems like this week is going to be less stressing!
4) I give up on joining on parties, especially to the parties where people do not have any understanding or respect for me.
5) I will not push myself out of the comfort-zone, to waste my time and end up with nothing but disappointment.
6) I will not fight for a spot in people's lives. If they want me in their lives, they better make a place for me.
7) I choose to be surrounded by those people who love me and stop caring about those who let me down(or misusing me -just because I seem to be dumb and kind in their eyes).
Wishing you a wonderful week!
-Patch
Thursday: This semester I have specializing in Event Management. We, the event class, are planning and creating an actual event that will take place in June. So, we had a promotion party for those who are interested to attend the event. I went there, against my will, because I thought it was a part of what we are doing in school. I see it more of an important "product" or "event", than drinking and have fun. I also thought, I would perhaps give a shot to be a part of the class. Which turned out to be bullshit. To be honest, I felt like I was in the wrong place. Yes, I do regret going there(even before I went there). Partying in western style is not my thing. I tried to give this part of the culture many chances, but I always end up with disappointment. I always feel uncomfortable and awkward.. Maybe it is that I do not like how different people act, when they drink? Or I could easily blame myself, again, for being different, because I do not drink. Seriously, enough trying.
If being social and getting friends is a huge part of going on parties in this culture that I live in, I am letting it go. I have never felt comfortable doing it and I know now that I never will adapt myself to this part of the culture. I am not being arrogant. I just give up trying something that is out of my comfort-zone, that becomes pointless and wasting of time
Friday: I slept pretty bad. Despite of that, I had to go to work. There is one thing that I always look forward to when I go to work and that is to see my colleagues. It was quite much to do, but it was alright, because being busy makes the time go faster. Then the rest of the day became blurry to me. All I know is that I did shower, as usually, after I came home...
Saturday: A colleague of mine was having the moving-in-party and she really wanted me to go. I was convinced that I would not go, after what I experienced on Thursday. Another colleague, convinced me and he offered himself not to drink, just to company me. That felt like a burden for me, but in a way I did not ask him for that. Later that night, we went to see a concert, which finished when we got there. But they kept playing nice club music, so we stayed there and danced for couple of hours. I can not believe that I am saying this, but I really enjoy the night! This kind of party was different, or it could be that I was hanging out with people I know and respect me for who I am. I had so much fun dancing and learning to dance too. It was crowded on the dance floor, which is pretty rare for what I have seen in this country... People who danced were so talented and I felt like my dancing moves were just too weak compared to theirs. I got a lot of inspirations! Despite to that thought, I did not give a damn. I danced like nobody was watching. Two guys tried to hit on me that evening. The one was too awkward. The other one was too creepy.
I really enjoyed that night and the best thing of all is that I remember everything. Don't you think that would be nice too, to look back and remember people you met, what they said, what you did and where you were or how you ended up at some strange place? Or is it only, who looks like I am 19 years old, but is actually turning 23 soon, and think like I am 40?
Sunday: I came home 3:30 am, went to sleep at 4 am, because it is important to remove makeup and clean your face before you go to sleep! I woke up around 9 am. A part of me was telling to go back to sleep. Another part of me was telling me that I had enough fun for now and I should get my ass to the library and study! Guess, which part won? I spent 5 hours at the library studying. It was really worth it, because I read through 6 chapters and I did take some notes too. I am more or less on the right track now, finally.
Monday: Woke up around 7:30 am. Had three hours school. Went to the Bare Bones Tour concert of the legend, Bryan Adams. Definitely a concert that you have to experience before you die! The Bare Bones Tour brings you the pureness of many years of his work. The concert was acoustic; with Bryan Adams singing live, who rocks on guitar and Gary, the amazing pianist. It was pure, amazing, incredible, personal, touching.. You can not put a word to describe this concert. The best word I could come up with was "Perfexcellent", if that makes sense to you. I was home around 11 pm.
Today: Honestly, I was thinking of skipping school today, since that it started at 8:30 and I had lack of sleep in the past few days. I guess my mentality is so strong, because I got up 20 minutes after the alarm and still I was able to put some makeup on and even catch the train, and the best thing: I manage to be at school before the lesson started. I feel like I kind of nailed everything right now, thinking of how little sleep I have had lately. I had triple espresso today, which kept me awake through 6 hours of school. I get über hyper when I drink coffee, but in the class I can not do anything else but sit there and pay attention. When school was over, the effect of the espresso also running off. My hands started to shiver, my heart was uncomfortably beating hard, I fell asleep on the train back home.. When I got home I ate the leftovers and just passed out. I found myself laying on my bed with old school music in my ears(because my neighbor was hammering like there is no tomorrow) and the sickest thing of all: a corner of the pillow was wet(=slaver). Now I sit and wonder if I can fall asleep tonight.
The sum up this blog entry:
1) I miss how easy it was to make friends, before, when I was just a kid.
2) I have a dilemma. I want to take a coffin break, which means no coffee. Then I have to get enough sleep, which seems to be a challenge sometimes.. If you know a way to keep yourself awake, without coffee and energy drinks, please let me know!
3) I am happy that I do not have this much going on every week. And happily, it seems like this week is going to be less stressing!
4) I give up on joining on parties, especially to the parties where people do not have any understanding or respect for me.
5) I will not push myself out of the comfort-zone, to waste my time and end up with nothing but disappointment.
6) I will not fight for a spot in people's lives. If they want me in their lives, they better make a place for me.
7) I choose to be surrounded by those people who love me and stop caring about those who let me down(or misusing me -just because I seem to be dumb and kind in their eyes).
Wishing you a wonderful week!
-Patch
February 26, 2013
Worst service EVER!
Yo, yo, yo!
I'm finally back with a video...
This time it is a vlog, about the terrible service I unfortunately experienced.
Play the video to listen to the story.
I have been working in trade in service for 5 - 6 years now and I kind of grew up with it too. First thing I should not do is judging customer by the way they look. I mean, this is also something you should know in general. This is basic knowledge. Well, I did sort of take it personally, but on the other hand I had something to make fun of(that is why I smiled in the video. It is also away to "forget" that I am angry)
Do not judge people if you do not know them, especially from how their look.
I hope I will not experience this kind of service again.
-Patch
I'm finally back with a video...
This time it is a vlog, about the terrible service I unfortunately experienced.
Play the video to listen to the story.
I have been working in trade in service for 5 - 6 years now and I kind of grew up with it too. First thing I should not do is judging customer by the way they look. I mean, this is also something you should know in general. This is basic knowledge. Well, I did sort of take it personally, but on the other hand I had something to make fun of(that is why I smiled in the video. It is also away to "forget" that I am angry)
Do not judge people if you do not know them, especially from how their look.
I hope I will not experience this kind of service again.
-Patch
February 21, 2013
You are welcome
There is something I do not understand about people. I have hard time to trust people, even if we are close, I cannot trust that person for hundred percent. I also have hard time letting people getting too close to me, because I am afraid of either hurt myself or hurt them.
Well, when I know someone very well, I would let them into my life. It is the first step. The second step is, I would care about them and I do expect them to care about me too. The third step: I take it seriously. If they need help, I will be there for them. I expect the same from them. Then, if I go to the forth level, I give you my trust and you better do not make me regret it.
All of these steps; is it very much to ask for?
If you do think that I am worth getting to know, make sure that you want me as a friend later too. I do not like people who just come and go. If you are just going to come and go, please, turn around and walk back to where you come from. I am not a place for you to dump your shit on and leave!
I am not sure if it is my or people's fault, that makes me mad and disappointed. Whenever I let people into my life, at some point they just fuck up. Every time it happens, I feel like i let myself down, because it seems like I never learn from my mistakes. And because of those bastards who do fuck it all up, they make me be even more hard on myself and to other people. Each time it happens, it gets harder for the next person who wants to get to know me. I blame myself for never learned that I should not let people into my life and give them my trust that easily. I never blame people who messed it up. But do you know what? I will stop blaming myself, I have not done anything wrong. Instead of holding onto those who let me down, I will not just let them go, but I will make sure that they will leave with something to look back and regret at.
A very close friend of mine let me down. We had an appointment yesterday, but he did not feel well, so the appointment had to be canceled. Well, I did not get mad for that. Today I sent him a message asking how he was feeling, because I cared(yes, I truly cared too much). After five hours, my friend finally replied that he was feeling fine and he hang out with two girls, so he did not get bored. Excuse me, did I even ask you what you were doing, who you were with and if you were bored?! I asked him one simple question, if he was too busy to reply: "I feel fine", more or less right away, just to show that he appreciated that one person cared about him(for once). All the time he used to reply that simple question and how he did it just pissed me off! At least he made me open my eyes that I truly fucking cared too much. If he cannot see what I am doing, why should I even give a damn about him? (That was nicely said!)
You may think there is nothing to be mad about and it would be much easier to let it go. Let it go for what? Let it go, so those heartless people can misuse other people over and over? Let it go, so those people never learn how to appreciate other people who do mean good for them? I do not think so!
What happened today is another story and an example of another mistake for letting someone get too close to me and the stupidest thing of all: giving him my trust. Despite that I am deeply disappointed and hurt, I have learned that there are more under a pretty face and nice words. I am sorry, that I gave him my trust and you messed it up. I am also sorry, that he probably will not find a friend like me. If this friendship means something to him, he should better soon realize what he is about to lose. No, wait a minute. Let me correct that. I know him. He will not understand or realize. So, this friendship has already broken down.
Of course I will be nice with him. I will smile and joke with him as usual. Just like him, with that pretty face and nice words, but there is no way that he will have that place in my life again. I have had enough trying, without any appreciation. I wish him lots of good luck. Good luck finding a friend like me.
Funny fact: I usually trust guys more than girls, but some guys are bitches too.
I am not going to mention the name, but if you read this and the shoes fit, you are welcome to tight up those laces and wear them!
-Patch
Well, when I know someone very well, I would let them into my life. It is the first step. The second step is, I would care about them and I do expect them to care about me too. The third step: I take it seriously. If they need help, I will be there for them. I expect the same from them. Then, if I go to the forth level, I give you my trust and you better do not make me regret it.
All of these steps; is it very much to ask for?
If you do think that I am worth getting to know, make sure that you want me as a friend later too. I do not like people who just come and go. If you are just going to come and go, please, turn around and walk back to where you come from. I am not a place for you to dump your shit on and leave!
I am not sure if it is my or people's fault, that makes me mad and disappointed. Whenever I let people into my life, at some point they just fuck up. Every time it happens, I feel like i let myself down, because it seems like I never learn from my mistakes. And because of those bastards who do fuck it all up, they make me be even more hard on myself and to other people. Each time it happens, it gets harder for the next person who wants to get to know me. I blame myself for never learned that I should not let people into my life and give them my trust that easily. I never blame people who messed it up. But do you know what? I will stop blaming myself, I have not done anything wrong. Instead of holding onto those who let me down, I will not just let them go, but I will make sure that they will leave with something to look back and regret at.
A very close friend of mine let me down. We had an appointment yesterday, but he did not feel well, so the appointment had to be canceled. Well, I did not get mad for that. Today I sent him a message asking how he was feeling, because I cared(yes, I truly cared too much). After five hours, my friend finally replied that he was feeling fine and he hang out with two girls, so he did not get bored. Excuse me, did I even ask you what you were doing, who you were with and if you were bored?! I asked him one simple question, if he was too busy to reply: "I feel fine", more or less right away, just to show that he appreciated that one person cared about him(for once). All the time he used to reply that simple question and how he did it just pissed me off! At least he made me open my eyes that I truly fucking cared too much. If he cannot see what I am doing, why should I even give a damn about him? (That was nicely said!)
You may think there is nothing to be mad about and it would be much easier to let it go. Let it go for what? Let it go, so those heartless people can misuse other people over and over? Let it go, so those people never learn how to appreciate other people who do mean good for them? I do not think so!
What happened today is another story and an example of another mistake for letting someone get too close to me and the stupidest thing of all: giving him my trust. Despite that I am deeply disappointed and hurt, I have learned that there are more under a pretty face and nice words. I am sorry, that I gave him my trust and you messed it up. I am also sorry, that he probably will not find a friend like me. If this friendship means something to him, he should better soon realize what he is about to lose. No, wait a minute. Let me correct that. I know him. He will not understand or realize. So, this friendship has already broken down.
Of course I will be nice with him. I will smile and joke with him as usual. Just like him, with that pretty face and nice words, but there is no way that he will have that place in my life again. I have had enough trying, without any appreciation. I wish him lots of good luck. Good luck finding a friend like me.
Funny fact: I usually trust guys more than girls, but some guys are bitches too.
I am not going to mention the name, but if you read this and the shoes fit, you are welcome to tight up those laces and wear them!
-Patch
February 19, 2013
Motiva...
Have you ever felt this way?
You are so excited to start with something and when you have started the excitement just goes away. You sit for yourself with your head hanging down, hoping and wishing that it would come back! Does it come back? In my case, mostly never.
I am talking about motivation. This thing could be hard to find sometimes. In my situation, being a student needs A WHOLE LOT of motivation. I need motivation constantly. I need it so bad, everyday. Motivation is very important for me. I need it as much as I need air to breath!
I am a bad, bad, bad coach for myself! I get distracted very easily. Sometimes, just sometimes, when I have magic in my hand, I could motivate myself. Unfortunately, magic does not work everyday...
Having other people to motivate you works excellent for me. Having positive people around me is good too, because I tend to look down and criticize myself a lot. Having someone who tells me that I am better person than who I think I am, that is a blessing moment for me. Having someone who beliefs in me and in what I am doing, that motivates me indeed. When I stand in the middle of all the stress, study, work and people who are hard to handle, I lose my focus and believe in myself.
Losing motivation. I am sure that I am not alone about this.
My mom always tell me: "It is OK to lose focus and motivation sometimes, as long as you do not give up!" And as always, my mom is always right.
I might have lost motivation when it comes to studying and school, but there is no way that I will give it up! I am better and stronger than this! Fellas, if you feel the same, you are not alone and do not give up!
Happy Tuesday!
-Patch
You are so excited to start with something and when you have started the excitement just goes away. You sit for yourself with your head hanging down, hoping and wishing that it would come back! Does it come back? In my case, mostly never.
I am talking about motivation. This thing could be hard to find sometimes. In my situation, being a student needs A WHOLE LOT of motivation. I need motivation constantly. I need it so bad, everyday. Motivation is very important for me. I need it as much as I need air to breath!
I am a bad, bad, bad coach for myself! I get distracted very easily. Sometimes, just sometimes, when I have magic in my hand, I could motivate myself. Unfortunately, magic does not work everyday...
Having other people to motivate you works excellent for me. Having positive people around me is good too, because I tend to look down and criticize myself a lot. Having someone who tells me that I am better person than who I think I am, that is a blessing moment for me. Having someone who beliefs in me and in what I am doing, that motivates me indeed. When I stand in the middle of all the stress, study, work and people who are hard to handle, I lose my focus and believe in myself.
Losing motivation. I am sure that I am not alone about this.
My mom always tell me: "It is OK to lose focus and motivation sometimes, as long as you do not give up!" And as always, my mom is always right.
Happy Tuesday!
-Patch
February 15, 2013
PMS x 5
14th February, you all know what day I am talking about here. No! DO NOT say what day it is. I cannot stand hearing(in this case "reading" would make more sense) it! For me, it was just another Thursday, one freaking Thursday.
Believe it or not, I seriously woke up with some sort of depression today morning. And I thought logging into Facebook could help. No, it made it all worse. 14th February is such a big deal in Thailand, even though we did not come up with the idea of "the-all-over-the-world-is-pink-day". On the news feed there were tons of "HVD"(FYI: HVD stands for Happy Valentine's Day. I just do not want to use the full version. I am temporary very sensitive). You cannot shut out the world, unless you refuse yourself to be a part of it. My decision was that I deactivated my Facebook account, just because of all the news feed that made me sick!
Then they called me from work and wanted me to work. I was not feeling well, mentally and emotionally, but I accepted to work, because I know I cannot lock myself inside of four walls while I was about to feel sorry for myself.. I got to work around 1:30 PM. I realized I did not eat anything yet, so I to force some food in me. There is something about me, when I am stressed, mad or worried, food is not on my mind at all. Otherwise I would literally have cravings all day long and I eat a lot more than what others think a little person like me could do.
When I started working, a good colleague came by and talked to me. I did not stand still and talk, I was working at the same time as the conversation was going. Then another colleague, who worked at the same station as me just broke into the conversation and shouted at me that I have to work and not chat with people, then he made my colleague go back to his work. I thought: "For God's sake, I am so not ready for this!", besides of all that, there was not a lot to do at all. A while after that, that guy complained again, but this time he kind of made fun of me in front of another colleague. Like, he told to the other guy about me not working at all, while I was running back and forth, when he was standing and "talking behind me back". I was about to freak out on him, but I tried something nice first by saying in an angry voice: "Dude, could you just let it go?! God damn it! AAAARRRRGH!!!!!" It felt gooood! He stopped. Good choice, though. Otherwise I could have broke something on purpose, and yelled at him! I almost lost control, because I was already in bad mood and I was not seeing it coming that he would be such a douche to me.
An hour later, he tried to talk friendly to me again, but he did not know that I am long-angry person. He is 40 -50 years old. I always have high respect for the elders. This time, this person did not deserve any respect from me. I was unfriendly to him.
Sometimes, I think people take me for granted, because I usually smile and joke around all the time. They probably think that I cannot be serious for a second and maybe they would go too far, by doing stupid things which will piss me off. Before I used to keep it all to myself, I could be really mad at someone(specially at someone older than me), but everything stays with me. I found out that it will not help anyone and I make it worse for myself, by bearing something heavy in my heart instead of just simply letting it go. No, but that is the old me. If I let people believe that I never get mad, they will just continue be pain in the ass! I am not rude, but if you are rude to me or piss me off first, I will just make sure that you regret everything you did.
People who know me well, they know that I am a moody person. If I am nice, I am extremely nice(depending on how much I care about you, though). If I am mad, no matter who you are, you better step back and give me some time and space, otherwise... who knows what could happen. No one, who is close to me, never really crossed that line -they know where to stop(or I would tell them to).
Felt like I had PMS today. I was unhappy basically the whole day, and food did not help, then I time the PMS with 5! And that is how I spent 14th February.
What did you do on this "special" day? I hope you had a much better day than me!
-Patch
Believe it or not, I seriously woke up with some sort of depression today morning. And I thought logging into Facebook could help. No, it made it all worse. 14th February is such a big deal in Thailand, even though we did not come up with the idea of "the-all-over-the-world-is-pink-day". On the news feed there were tons of "HVD"(FYI: HVD stands for Happy Valentine's Day. I just do not want to use the full version. I am temporary very sensitive). You cannot shut out the world, unless you refuse yourself to be a part of it. My decision was that I deactivated my Facebook account, just because of all the news feed that made me sick!
Then they called me from work and wanted me to work. I was not feeling well, mentally and emotionally, but I accepted to work, because I know I cannot lock myself inside of four walls while I was about to feel sorry for myself.. I got to work around 1:30 PM. I realized I did not eat anything yet, so I to force some food in me. There is something about me, when I am stressed, mad or worried, food is not on my mind at all. Otherwise I would literally have cravings all day long and I eat a lot more than what others think a little person like me could do.
When I started working, a good colleague came by and talked to me. I did not stand still and talk, I was working at the same time as the conversation was going. Then another colleague, who worked at the same station as me just broke into the conversation and shouted at me that I have to work and not chat with people, then he made my colleague go back to his work. I thought: "For God's sake, I am so not ready for this!", besides of all that, there was not a lot to do at all. A while after that, that guy complained again, but this time he kind of made fun of me in front of another colleague. Like, he told to the other guy about me not working at all, while I was running back and forth, when he was standing and "talking behind me back". I was about to freak out on him, but I tried something nice first by saying in an angry voice: "Dude, could you just let it go?! God damn it! AAAARRRRGH!!!!!" It felt gooood! He stopped. Good choice, though. Otherwise I could have broke something on purpose, and yelled at him! I almost lost control, because I was already in bad mood and I was not seeing it coming that he would be such a douche to me.
An hour later, he tried to talk friendly to me again, but he did not know that I am long-angry person. He is 40 -50 years old. I always have high respect for the elders. This time, this person did not deserve any respect from me. I was unfriendly to him.
Sometimes, I think people take me for granted, because I usually smile and joke around all the time. They probably think that I cannot be serious for a second and maybe they would go too far, by doing stupid things which will piss me off. Before I used to keep it all to myself, I could be really mad at someone(specially at someone older than me), but everything stays with me. I found out that it will not help anyone and I make it worse for myself, by bearing something heavy in my heart instead of just simply letting it go. No, but that is the old me. If I let people believe that I never get mad, they will just continue be pain in the ass! I am not rude, but if you are rude to me or piss me off first, I will just make sure that you regret everything you did.
People who know me well, they know that I am a moody person. If I am nice, I am extremely nice(depending on how much I care about you, though). If I am mad, no matter who you are, you better step back and give me some time and space, otherwise... who knows what could happen. No one, who is close to me, never really crossed that line -they know where to stop(or I would tell them to).
Felt like I had PMS today. I was unhappy basically the whole day, and food did not help, then I time the PMS with 5! And that is how I spent 14th February.
What did you do on this "special" day? I hope you had a much better day than me!
-Patch
February 12, 2013
The Day(that don't really make any difference)
It is 00:01, Wednesday 13th February.
You know exactly what day it is tomorrow.
It is the Valentine's Day! If you do not know what day that is, it is a day of the year that you do something special with/ to/ for the one that you love.
Back in time, when I was in a relationship. Sure, this day was special and I did expect to get a little gift from that person I was in the relationship with. But you know, the whole thing about the Valentine's day is just bullsh*t!
Not that I have such a bad attitude after the break up and knowing that I will be spending the Valentine's day more or less alone this year(FOREVER ALONE!).
Let me tell you what I think.
But buying a teddy bear, a heart shaped box with chocolate inside, a heart pillow, some roses... Just for that ONE day of the year to the one that you love. It is bullsh*t(again, I had to use that word)! I mean, if you love someone, why only Valentine's Day? Why waiting a year to buy her/him chocolates? Why waiting a year to show how much you appreciate and love that person? Why waiting a year to go out to a nice restaurant and have dinner together? Why waiting a year to give her/him flowers? If that person is special to you, show him/ her that he/she is special for you everyday. If that person means a lot to you, why wait a year, when you have 364 days left to do special things with/ to that person?
If you are in a relationship or marriage, do it everyday, do not wait a year.
If you are single, love and embrace yourself, because you are a fantastic person.
If you are single and have a crush, you better tell that person soon, before you lose him/ her.
If you are a girlfriend, be nice to your boyfriend. Girls are complicated and boys do not always get us.
If you are a boy, have patient and always try your best, if you believe that she is the one.
If your are single and do not have a crush, you are not the only one and among those people, there are some that are searching for a person just like you!
If you are alone on the Valentine's Day and feeling pity for yourself.. You better change your attitude! It is another bullsh*t day, you were alone yesterday and probably going to be that on the next day too.
I am not an expert on this kind of thing. I learned something from experiencing, and wanted to share...
Smart people move on and learn from the mistakes and the past, so they avoid going through the same thing again.
I wish you all a Happy Wednesday and Valentine's Day.
-Patch
You know exactly what day it is tomorrow.
It is the Valentine's Day! If you do not know what day that is, it is a day of the year that you do something special with/ to/ for the one that you love.
Back in time, when I was in a relationship. Sure, this day was special and I did expect to get a little gift from that person I was in the relationship with. But you know, the whole thing about the Valentine's day is just bullsh*t!
Not that I have such a bad attitude after the break up and knowing that I will be spending the Valentine's day more or less alone this year(FOREVER ALONE!).
Let me tell you what I think.
But buying a teddy bear, a heart shaped box with chocolate inside, a heart pillow, some roses... Just for that ONE day of the year to the one that you love. It is bullsh*t(again, I had to use that word)! I mean, if you love someone, why only Valentine's Day? Why waiting a year to buy her/him chocolates? Why waiting a year to show how much you appreciate and love that person? Why waiting a year to go out to a nice restaurant and have dinner together? Why waiting a year to give her/him flowers? If that person is special to you, show him/ her that he/she is special for you everyday. If that person means a lot to you, why wait a year, when you have 364 days left to do special things with/ to that person?
If you are in a relationship or marriage, do it everyday, do not wait a year.
If you are single, love and embrace yourself, because you are a fantastic person.
If you are single and have a crush, you better tell that person soon, before you lose him/ her.
If you are a girlfriend, be nice to your boyfriend. Girls are complicated and boys do not always get us.
If you are a boy, have patient and always try your best, if you believe that she is the one.
If your are single and do not have a crush, you are not the only one and among those people, there are some that are searching for a person just like you!
If you are alone on the Valentine's Day and feeling pity for yourself.. You better change your attitude! It is another bullsh*t day, you were alone yesterday and probably going to be that on the next day too.
I am not an expert on this kind of thing. I learned something from experiencing, and wanted to share...
Smart people move on and learn from the mistakes and the past, so they avoid going through the same thing again.
I wish you all a Happy Wednesday and Valentine's Day.
-Patch
February 11, 2013
Sweetest Revenge
Happy New Year! Hello January! Hello February! Happy Chinese New Year!
(Sort of a way of saying: "Sorry it took me an eternity to update a blog entry.. I am ashamed!)
Now, I do not know about you, but I do not like working out at all. The only one exercise I do now a day is Zumba and dancing and I try to push myself to go to that fitness studio once in a while.
Every time I go there I literally embarrass myself in front of the crowd. I mean, how could nobody notice the little, clumsy me trying to do things right in the most natural way... Which I also fail in doing.
The thing is, every time I go to the fitness studio and workout, I almost have to crawl home. Either it is the legs that hurt, or the back, or like today: the ankle. I think I may have stretched it, or put the foot down in a weird way while running and also kept on running! So, basically I lose all my energy and (more or less) my entire body hurts! I get mad and ask myself if it was necessarily to push myself to do things that will hurt me later...
Many people I know, being active or doing sports are like drugs for them. If they have not been out and ran in the woods/ at the gym, their body hurts and they REALLY, really have to do some exercise indoor to cure their needs and then they will feel fine again. It is the opposite by me. My body hurts when I do sport(except from dancing, because I mentally and physically enjoy it) and I am almost dead when I finish..
I work out because I do not want to embarrass myself whenever I run to catch a bus/train and I would be out of breath when I get on it. In my opinion, that is even more embarrassing than looking like a dork at the gym! You may laugh(but that was a part of my point too), but seriously, it looks stupid! I also workout because I need to be stronger, especially for my job that involves heavy lifting, running/walking and everything has to happen fast. If I have more strength and power in my arms and legs, I will not be dead by the end of the working day. Yes, after I started to workout, there is definitely a huge different and it is noticeable! So these are the main reasons why I started working out. Not because I want to lose weight(that I barely have) or be more muscular...
So, I came up with this thing called: Sweet Revenge.
It is my philosophy and the way I chose to live: "Workout hurts me really bad and now it is going to get the revenge.. Let me get some chocolate and ice-cream!" Here is how it works: The more my body hurts, the more chocolate and ice-cream I eat. F*ck the calories! I hate math and counting calories of what I eat and how much I burn a day, is totally none my interests! I am a food-lover and I eat whatever I desire to, because I will die one day and I do not want to die with an unhappy tummy. I want to marry chocolate, if I just could. Chocolate has never disappointed me, it rather make me happy and it gives all the meaning to live on this planet. I would never leave this place, the Earth, because I love chocolate so much. It is my first, my only and my last love. May the death tears us a part! (FYI, I may cheat on chocolate sometime, by loving rice.. Can't seriously help this, I am Asian!)
I live by this philosophy. Sweet Revenge. Cheers for making workout and eating "equally", so I will have a happy ending(in case I do not wake up the next day, because the gym killed me. But the treatment with food(AKA chocolate and ice-cream) makes it worth it).
Do you think I am awesome?
STALK ME!
TWITTER: @patchtastic28
INSTAGRAM: patchtastics
PINTEREST: patchtastic28
-Patch
(Sort of a way of saying: "Sorry it took me an eternity to update a blog entry.. I am ashamed!)
Now, I do not know about you, but I do not like working out at all. The only one exercise I do now a day is Zumba and dancing and I try to push myself to go to that fitness studio once in a while.
Every time I go there I literally embarrass myself in front of the crowd. I mean, how could nobody notice the little, clumsy me trying to do things right in the most natural way... Which I also fail in doing.
The thing is, every time I go to the fitness studio and workout, I almost have to crawl home. Either it is the legs that hurt, or the back, or like today: the ankle. I think I may have stretched it, or put the foot down in a weird way while running and also kept on running! So, basically I lose all my energy and (more or less) my entire body hurts! I get mad and ask myself if it was necessarily to push myself to do things that will hurt me later...
Many people I know, being active or doing sports are like drugs for them. If they have not been out and ran in the woods/ at the gym, their body hurts and they REALLY, really have to do some exercise indoor to cure their needs and then they will feel fine again. It is the opposite by me. My body hurts when I do sport(except from dancing, because I mentally and physically enjoy it) and I am almost dead when I finish..
I work out because I do not want to embarrass myself whenever I run to catch a bus/train and I would be out of breath when I get on it. In my opinion, that is even more embarrassing than looking like a dork at the gym! You may laugh(but that was a part of my point too), but seriously, it looks stupid! I also workout because I need to be stronger, especially for my job that involves heavy lifting, running/walking and everything has to happen fast. If I have more strength and power in my arms and legs, I will not be dead by the end of the working day. Yes, after I started to workout, there is definitely a huge different and it is noticeable! So these are the main reasons why I started working out. Not because I want to lose weight(that I barely have) or be more muscular...
So, I came up with this thing called: Sweet Revenge.
It is my philosophy and the way I chose to live: "Workout hurts me really bad and now it is going to get the revenge.. Let me get some chocolate and ice-cream!" Here is how it works: The more my body hurts, the more chocolate and ice-cream I eat. F*ck the calories! I hate math and counting calories of what I eat and how much I burn a day, is totally none my interests! I am a food-lover and I eat whatever I desire to, because I will die one day and I do not want to die with an unhappy tummy. I want to marry chocolate, if I just could. Chocolate has never disappointed me, it rather make me happy and it gives all the meaning to live on this planet. I would never leave this place, the Earth, because I love chocolate so much. It is my first, my only and my last love. May the death tears us a part! (FYI, I may cheat on chocolate sometime, by loving rice.. Can't seriously help this, I am Asian!)
I live by this philosophy. Sweet Revenge. Cheers for making workout and eating "equally", so I will have a happy ending(in case I do not wake up the next day, because the gym killed me. But the treatment with food(AKA chocolate and ice-cream) makes it worth it).
 |
| Toblerone.. MARRY ME!!! |
STALK ME!
TWITTER: @patchtastic28
INSTAGRAM: patchtastics
PINTEREST: patchtastic28
-Patch
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